i think about some differences
by fuzimiao2013, Aug 21, 2024, 6:33 AM
I like thinking about different people and perspectives sometimes.
So I think a lot about who I was 2 years ago.
I think a lot about him. I care a lot about his opinion.
He's one of my greatest influences.
He and I will think back to the things I've done in these 2-odd years. He'd have questions, he'd have opinions.
He'd think some of the things I've done are weird. He doesn't like weird things.
But I like my weird things.
He's very full of himself, this kid is,
So sure of what he wants.
I think about much through his lens.
I think about how he doesn't through mine.
There is a difference and
It's not fair.
And I try to adjust accordingly.
He and I will think back to how I've changed in these 2-odd years. He'd want to know things got better.
He'd hope that the things I've done were effective. He wants change.
I'm not delivering.
I think he would be disappointed. Some things stay the same.
Afterword
So I think a lot about who I was 2 years ago.
I think a lot about him. I care a lot about his opinion.
He's one of my greatest influences.
He and I will think back to the things I've done in these 2-odd years. He'd have questions, he'd have opinions.
He'd think some of the things I've done are weird. He doesn't like weird things.
But I like my weird things.
He's very full of himself, this kid is,
So sure of what he wants.
I think about much through his lens.
I think about how he doesn't through mine.
There is a difference and
It's not fair.
And I try to adjust accordingly.
He and I will think back to how I've changed in these 2-odd years. He'd want to know things got better.
He'd hope that the things I've done were effective. He wants change.
I'm not delivering.
I think he would be disappointed. Some things stay the same.
Afterword
I originally planned on making this a poem. I wanted to write this post to convey some feelings of regret/depression over the past 2 years, which I think I would consider to have ... not been used in the wisest way. As I wrote, I realized I didn't quite like a poem format, and as I thought, my viewpoint on this subject shifted ever so slightly more positive. I would like to think that this post ended up being not just regretful, but also somehow ... accepting. Accepting that I have won in some ways and lost in others.
Much of this post intends to allude towards my previous desire to MOP, and my slow journey/acceptance that ... it's now or never. This is my last year. In a sense I kind of wanted to write this as a sort of wake-up call. As a reflection of sorts, too.
10/22/24: Revised this to reflect some changes of mindset.
I will write a full afterword sometime.
I also kind of just believe that that person was a lot of meaningless fluff that I don't know why I pushed out. I'm trying to experiment more with writing now as I try to express some thoughts while also not being cringe as heck.
Much of this post intends to allude towards my previous desire to MOP, and my slow journey/acceptance that ... it's now or never. This is my last year. In a sense I kind of wanted to write this as a sort of wake-up call. As a reflection of sorts, too.
10/22/24: Revised this to reflect some changes of mindset.
I will write a full afterword sometime.
I also kind of just believe that that person was a lot of meaningless fluff that I don't know why I pushed out. I'm trying to experiment more with writing now as I try to express some thoughts while also not being cringe as heck.
This post has been edited 27 times. Last edited by fuzimiao2013, Nov 17, 2024, 7:03 AM
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