Recently I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Wolstenholme had crafted a heartfelt reflection on his ARML experience. Demonstrating an ingenuous attention to detail, 50% of his post was dedicated to making fun of me- the same proportion of Wolstenholme's time that was spent on similar activities at ARML. After reading the post, I was so happy that I jumped for joy, knocking my research papers off the table and directly into the fire that I happen to maintain in the carpeting of my room. For those who don't know, my studies are in the obsolete field of Wolstenholme's future girlfriends. (obligatory "Mess with the best, die like the rest.")

In all seriousness, I was mortified that I paid Wolstenholme back with such an ungrateful response. Here he had written a lovely piece about me ARML, and I responded by throwing his future into the flames? Was this how I treated my good friend Wolstenholme, who taught me everything there is to know about distracting my mathematical opponents and winning competitions unethically? I truly deserve the scathing yelp reviews that he threatens to write about me. As an apologetic measure, this article is an attempt to convey my respect and appreciation for Wolstenholme's presence in my life.

Now, I usually don't look through my facebook newsfeed, but some primal urge to sift through a thousand acquaintances' social media posts overtook me yesterday. (I have no friends other than Wolstenholme; the rest are just co-inhabitants of reality). I was overjoyed to see a picture of my 2p partner Brick, and from the "likes" section, it was apparent that Wolstenholme had appreciated the picture too. Brick was sporting a bag from Wolstenholme's favorite brand, Victorious Secrets, which is like Victoria's Secret but for Trans-Earth people. If you don't know what a Trans-Earth person is, just look at Wolstenholme. I suggested that Brick change his tinder picture to this new picture, and I think Wolstenholme should consider making a tinder account as well. We should all send Wolstenholme friend requests on tinder so he feels welcome.

Scrolling a bit farther, I was disappointed by every post that was not Wolstenholme-related, and I reported all of them as spam. In his article, he includes 4 winky faces, so I will include 5 here: . Fortunately I did not have to go far before seeing a very cute picture of Wolstenholme and the largest bird in Australia. They will be attending school very close together next year; Wolstenholme is matriculating to chipotle, while the large bird shall attend MIT. Unfortunately Wolstenholme lost his calves to ultimate frisbee so he can't walk to MIT, but I have full confidence that he will find the energy to wink at her multiple times a day.

I can't write anymore; the mere memory of the picture overwhelms me and I could never do it justice. If awe was measured by mass, I would have tons of awe for that picture, where is the cardinality of the set of snarky comments Wolstenholme has made about me/his roommate in the past year. Did you know aleph-one was invented to describe that set?

Well here is my contribution to this excellent blog. Have a good evening everyone.