Congratulations Wolstenholme! Good job for staying alive!! This is actually impressive considering your eating / sleeping habits. This summer I have been privileged to watch you reach new heights such as teaching Geo 3, publishing a book, roasting me to unbelievable levels, and turning into a massive weeb. You have also become a personal mentor of sorts, and I'd like to describe the positive impact you've had on my life in hopes that you understand how much I appreciate your presence in my life.

First off, I'd like to thank you for opening my eyes and heart to people who transcend the gender spectrum. I am so disappointed in myself for ever asking why you use "aura" as a pronoun. I cannot believe I ever doubted you when you claimed not to be a singular entity. But with your kind guidance and reminders that I am a 'privileged piece of cisgender scum,' you taught me to be empathetic. Now I am ready to encounter people with new age spiritual identities in college, because they can't be much worse than you.

Second, I'd like to thank you for teaching me to be patient. An ambitious Trans-Earth like you has a busy schedule, and I understand if you prioritize every living being underneath league of legends. Those minutes, hours, days spent outside your door, waiting for your league game to slow down so you could get up and let me in--- I really treasured that time to myself. I think those moments were when I realized I wanted to become Exactly Like You. And don't get me started on how fuzzy I felt when you would open the door and go running back to your desk because you let me in mid-game.

Third, I'd like to thank you for being vulnerable and human around me. Sometimes I worry that our generation is becoming too emotionless, but seeing the sadness in your eyes when you requested that I stop eating your Milanos really erased all worries for me. I have never felt so strongly moved before, and I realize I may not see such raw emotion again.

Finally, I'd like to thank you for showing me how to think critically. You have transformed my perspective on the world, as I will never high five another person again. I was a fool to assume it'd be safe to high five you. Also, your constant stream of roasts has helped me develop a better understanding of who I am today. Thank you, Wolstenholme. I look forward to living in the same city as you in a month!!!

I am sorry that there are only four points; you have taught me all I know. However, my brain capacity is limited at age 14. Everyone else should share what they have learned from the great and mighty Wolstenholme!!