Today is a very special day for Wolstenholme!! He has accomplished something that no one younger than him has EVER achieved before! You should all congratulate him.

In celebration of this special day, I offer Wolstenholme numerous gifts:

1) The title of Chipotle Fellow. Jk he earned it himself and also I have no authority to give him such things.

2) 6-month-old footage of him flipping his hair. Sent through a secure communication method because no one else is ready to see the film. To give you perspective, if I released this film in California, the drought wouldn't be a problem anymore due to the wetness.

Everyone would be crying about his cuteness

3) His matchomatics results. Unsurprisingly, his extremal match number is equal to the maximum number of people he can meet between two meals at chipotle. We also provide the following lemma.

Lemma: In the complete Wolstenholme graph, the chipotle graph is infinite.
Proof: Assume that Wolstenholme can be satisfied by a finite amount of chipotle. Contradiction.

But yay good job Wolstenholme for aging!! We support you as you continue to age, possibly exponentially as you begin your intensive studies as a Chipotle Fellow.

Now it is time for audience participation!! Go give Wolstenholme all of your money to show your support for his life achievements.

Jellymoop you are the greatest (and I stole your idea of commenting in bold)