Her name is bacon
-SFGiantsFan


Well earlier today Mr Rusczyk pm'ed me notifying me that they (he?) fixed my blog. Apparently YouTube did some update that messed with the video formatting, which screwed up the loading of the videos on my blog, causing an unnecessarily long loading process.
Well derp, I had a second blog for about 2 weeks (first post on 3/13/15) located at http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/community/c41641

ah man so a very long time ago I made a list of stuff to blog about. Right now off the top of my head I remember: PSAT/SAT, Family Camp (where I saw prog!), and Christmas vacation. ugh I'm so unmotivated for everything, even things I "enjoy" doing. . . or do I enjoy them?? sigh* I am a failure. All the people (+4) who've told me that are indeed correct.
I guess cuz being a failure isn't necessarily being "bad" at something. No, being a "failure" is not being what you could be. "Being a fail" is not trying at anything. "Being a fail" is just not living up to potential.
Whatever talent I may or may not have, I'm not really doing anything about it right now.

mm being lazy is bad.

I post all this "inspiring" stuff and "motivational" music but in reality it doesn't mean much to me. I wish I could somehow tap into the "advice" and "hype" I try to give people on my own blog lol.

Speaking of motivation... my piano teacher spent like half my lesson today giving me a pep talk about going to learn from her mom. Apparently it would be better for me to learn from her mom (ya know one of those somewhat old Russian piano teachers -not the nicest, rather strict, etc). She (my piano teacher) didn't say it right out, but the main essence of her speech was that I should be working harder, and if I do work harder and study under her mom, I can do great things. eh well she kind of said it: that I have potential.
AGH but I'm so lazy. People have been telling me my whole life that I have "potential" or "talent" and whatnot, but it means nothing. . .Absolutely Nothing. . . because I have no diligence to work with it. Whatever potential I started with has dwindled down to very little, if anything at all. sigh* hm apparently some Russian piano teachers see some left though. My mom told me that my piano teacher has been dying to send me over to her mom. nouo I won't be able to take it though. I've pretty much grown up with rather lenient teachers, which, although not really the best, have really been my preference. How is someone with no motivation supposed to survive with a more strict teacher?
Welp. Today my piano teacher convinced me to go try learning from her mom for a month. Ok well she didn't really "convince" like I was saying no. I wouldn't say no or something. However, I was strongly inclined to reject the offer when my mom told me before. Anyway we agreed to do this for a month. For the month of April, I will go take a lesson a week with my current piano teacher's mom (who's also a piano teacher -in case you haven't figured this out yet). I will try to practice 1.5 hours per day at least 5 days a week during this time. mm this will be tough.

So last Saturday I had a piano recital. It was one of the most interesting musical experiences I have ever had. I will probably remember it for the rest of my life.
I played "Wedding Day at Troldhaugen" by Grieg. Let's be honest; I didn't practice as much as I should have. Given the few weeks I had, I could probably have memorized the whole thing and polished the intense middle(ish) section. Well Saturday ended up with me having 5 pages on the piano: the slow middle section and the ending. That in itself is bad bad bad. I remember scoffing (ugh weird word but what else to use) at other people using music. . .
Now I hadn't practiced this in a rehearsal-performance, so something was bound to happen.
When I started, I was like "oh hey I'm not sweating like the dickens like I usually am." Usually I sweat buckets and I don't really shake anywhere. (My good piano friend is the opposite: he struggles to control his shaking but otherwise he's comfortable) Well this time I wasn't really sweating.

[storymode] I make it through most of the main theme (first 3 or so pages [memorized]) ok, albeit with a few missed notes but it's all good cuz there's a ton of notes. BUT when I get to the intense middle(ish) section I notice something. My right leg (on the pedal) is throbbing. Twitching. Shaking. Vibrating. Spasming. idk pick whichever word you like most out of that list. My right leg, attempting to pedal, is tightening/loosening uncontrollably at an insane speed. At first I'm a bit unclear what's going on. Did this just start? Why is this happening? Is my leg having a seizure? Throughout the section I'm currently playing, the pedal is held down for a few measures at a time, allowing me to clamp my foot down on the pedal and hold it there. I try this but it just makes my leg shake even more. I'm afraid I'm going to start cramping so I strategically lift my foot a little extra in between pedals. (Thinking back I'm amazed that I was able to keep playing through a challenging section while dealing with my leg). If I've ever multitasked in my life I'm doing so right now, fighting my leg to keep still while smashing through the piece. The struggle is very real. Whenever I try to hold the foot down, the flexing action makes my leg twitch even harder. When I try to relax the leg it goes on twitching. I literally have no control over my leg. Add to this predicament the fact that I'm wondering if people can see my leg going nuts. *agh don't judge me*
Eventually I'm able to pause the muscle tremors for a few split seconds. When I stand up and bow it's practically still there, just when I'm standing it's harder for the muscle to tighten. [/storymode]

Why did this happen? Maybe because I was nervous and all my nervous energy somehow manifested in my right leg. This has never happened before in my life. My right calf muscle has never tightened so fast so quickly for so long. Thank God I didn't get a cramp though.

Anyway, SAT results come out tomorrow; we'll see how those tunes worked out.

For now let's watch an inspiring video. Warning: Mature Content

Dom's Death from Gears of War 3

Most "poignant videos" from now on will be from Metal Gear Solid games.

EDIT on 5/30/16 @ 9:08 PM