idk its kinda hard to talk abt my personal life stuff and INNER THOUGHTS AND DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS AND FEELINGS cuz a lot of ppl i know irl are here
i wanna make more genuine posts and stuff but its difficult cuz i dont want my friends knowing that stuff
i only want random strangers on the internet to know
meh its weird cuz i wish i could do "normal" posts idek what that means but u get the point
like i cant do crush updates cuz like uh
iykyk
its hard to explain without being weird about it
i also dont like doing personal life things cuz im like private-ish and i work VERY HARD to not dox anyone.
and it feels weird talking abt my teachers too cuz im not sure why
does this make any sense lol
like i wanna share abt my day and stuff but its hard to make it interesting
but a lot of times im scared to share a lot of random details cuz of two reasons:

1) a lot of my friends are here and prob know about it anyways
2) i feel like no one cares about those tiny details anyways

and it feels kinda spammy if all i do is complain abt stuff uk and thats never good
hehhhhh
like stuff like that its hard to share abt like "friend dramaaaa" too
cuz like
the friends
are right here
on the blog
and have contrib
so its difficult
sometimes i wish i could like restart this and made this blog without anyone but addy knowing or smth like that
cuz its addy that introduced me to aops in the first place
it wouldve allowed me to be more open in these posts
but its not like i wanna start over cuz its been a little over 2 months alr and im already really proud of whats on here
its like a little tiny record of my life lol kinda fun
but then again is it really recording my life if im not sharing anything ABOUT said life on here?
im not really sure
but im not sure abt a lot of things so that isnt out of the ordinary i guess
wow ive already been typing this for 10 mins lol
idek if anyones reading this atp
like that was an example right there like i feel like i post such long/ranty posts that no one cares to read them anyways
and my inner self is like "bro just stop no one feels like reading this much anyways. YOU dont even like reading this much"
but for some reason i just keep typing and typing and typing and typing and typing
theres also the fact that like with the amount i post (an unhealthy amount) it makes me feel like im spamming posts
even tho i put like a decent amount of effort into like 90% of them? like even if i post a few times a day i always spend a good amount of time typing stuff up its only a few posts that are up here that are like ones that took me 1 min to write and stuff
eeeeeeeeee
WHY AM I STILL GOING THIS IS THE EXACT THING IM TALKING ABOUT
and theres also like the fact that i havent seen anyone with a blog with the same like "typing style" as me like im very like
all over the place which is why i feel like no one cares to read lol
like everyone else on here is either a math or css genius
or like people that post perfect paragraphs with good sentence structure
or people with actually interesting stuff to post (like addy)
and im just like here and only okay at math with silly css
and the type of sentences that would literally make my english teacher have a heart attack
the point is that this blog feels really pointless
and weird
cuz i feel like everyone else puts so much more time and effort than i do into their posts and blog
and i just type a bunch of "sentences"
and press the enter key every 3 seconds
cuz i do that instead of using a period
cuz i feel like breaking the line makes it easier to figure out when u stop the sentence? im not rlly sure
ok this is getting really long now i NEED to stop
its been half an hour of me typing this
i started at 1:01 am and now its 1:32 am

idk the point is that i feel like my blog is like
a joke
which it was spsd to be at the start
but i dont rlly want it to be a joke anymore
but i feel like with my personality and stuff it wouldnt work as a "real blog"
cuz no one cares abt some random kid spamming "sentences" and putting them all together into some text box with rounded corners and a colored background
i dont want ppl to treat this as a joke but i feel like they are?
so like no one cares abt it?
idrk anymore
i should go now

adios