Now that I've calmed down a bit, let me narrate this from a more objective standpoint. So essentially the minute I entered the classroom, I was extremely shocked as the tables were very thin and low (can't sit without sticking my legs out straight in front). The room was sealed and cold. The worst part was once I was sent into the waiting room with the other AIME-test takers, who, quickly became extremely, extremely, loud, to the point my ears were going death. They were divided into different groups -- obviously as they came from different classes, but it seemed they didn't really care about this test at all. After all, it's part of the USA team selection process. For example, one person asked what's the USAMO and no one else was capable of answering. I felt oddly excluded, being the only person without a school uniform and the only person who can't speak in their language (although I'm fluent in Chinese, their language contained a lot of internet language and the like). Even as the test began, the atmosphere was so noisy the teacher had a very hard time calming them down. Even as I got the test, the room didn't quite down from conversations until 5 minutes in.

It was absolutely horrendous when considered as an environment for problem-solving.

The first five:

My regular problem-solving mindset was practically non-existent. Every second someone coughed; another person sneezed (yes I think at least three people had the flu); chairs kept on screeching against the hard floor. It was terrifying. I almost freaked out. But I did manage to get #1, #2, but got stuck on #3 for the longest time. I couldn't proceed once I got to I thought I must be doing something else. Since we're looking for , I thought each one of them might be negative, so I thought I had to prove which ones were positive, and crunched through a lot of equations but got no where.

#4 was easy once I forced myself to calm down and wrote down the appropriate equations. #5 took me quite a while. Turns out I really suck at number theory. I got the geometric series, but couldn't finish it off. In the last hour I finally decided to break out the formula and finally got it right.

The middle five:

I thought #6 might have something to do with generating functions or something. I thought about plugging in values like but didn't have time to run over the logic. #7 took me a while. I got to , then plugged in a few values, and thankfully, managed to muster out the right answer. #8, another silly. Somehow I came up with by messing up my casework just a bit. Wow... #9 I actually thought I legit solved it, until I realized I messed something up. All my steps were right and everything, just got the wrong ratio for some reason. #10 took me so long, but I ended up just using my ruler to guess the right answer. Lucky me!

Last five:

#11 was close but I couldn't see through the simple trick. #12 was easy and took me about 5 mins to solve. #13 - #15 -- didn't attempt.

So this past weekend (the first three days after the AIME) was really dreadful for me. Like, the reason I managed to get up everyday and chug through school classes had previously to just be able to do math at night. With this purpose removed, my life feels awfully empty. For the past 2 days, I sometimes catch myself refreshing AoPS nonstop for no reason. What's wrong with me!?!?

Worse, the mid-semester reports came out on Friday. On the surface, my face became very appalled when I saw my GPA -- 3.3. C+ in English. B- in Biology. B in APUSH. If it had been last semester, I couldn't have imagined how I would react if something like this happened. I have a cumulative GPA of 3.97. But for some reason, deep in my heart, I don't care. I don't care about anything other than the joy of solving problems. However, I know I can't keep doing math as of now. For one, my dad banned me from doing so, not until my GPA is salvaged. Second, I should really let myself take a break. After all, solving AIME #10-#15s 4 hours a day for the past month wasn't a quick walk in the park; it was a pretty intense marathon. I slept 9 hours Friday night and woke up Saturday morning feeling like I haven't slept at all.

I don't know... I really don't know... My teachers are chasing after me; my heart is nowhere at ease, and my life seems pointless. I know that my only option right now is to get back on top of my school work, but it takes a lot to re-prove myself to my teachers. My dad is forcing me to get at least a 3.90 this semester. Getting a good GPA in my school is awfully hard... What do I do...