Uselessness // Turning 18 // Final Update on This Blog [Part 3/3]
by shiningsunnyday, Apr 7, 2018, 5:49 PM
I'm turning 18 and realize how useless I am.
I'm a week away from forever leaving behind childhood. Though I perfectly understand that reaching the milestone of having lived 567,648,000 seconds carries mere symbolic meaning, I believe it serves as a stressful but necessary reminder for me to evaluate my life up to this point and prepare myself going forward. This has proven to be a nightmare.
My life right now doesn't make much sense. I know this is my old INTP Ti function at play, but how tf does one logically explain my behaviors lately:
-Drinking alcohol
-Reading on AI and pondering the future of humanity
-Spending hours on Quora reading different perspectives on a same topic before moving on
-Weightlifting/exercising like mad
-Taking boxing lessons
-Killing my gains by periods of binge-eating
-Running around the city at night like a bad boy who dgaf
-Mass e-mailing Stanford CS/math professors
-Reading about 18th century and 19th century philosophers
-Learning data science from online tutorials
-Going to clubs
-Rapping and dancing around my house at night.
-Spending a ton of time applying to summer programs I don't want to go to (besides SPARC <3) and secretly hoping I get rejected so I don't have to go
-Listening to lectures given by Silicon Valley venture capitalists and trying to understand their thought process
-Getting addicted to playing chess with my close friend at school
-Writing raps (this is actually really fun)
My dreams, which used to be a source of inspiration, are now:
-Full of inappropriate sh*t
This likely means my dreams which ran on inspirationare now running on fumes.
-Simulations of random events which I'm a part of that're so eerily realistic I wonder if they'll happen in the future
This likely means the present is so insignificant that my mind is on autopilot exploring the future. This also means my low confidence in predicting the future.
-Conversations with acquaintances that I sometimes confuse with ones that actually happened
This means I'm probably lonely and desire human interaction.
After the difficult process of analyzing my actions and categorizing them under common themes, I believe my actions are motivated by two states of mind:
1. I'm fed up at how uncertain about the future I am.
2. I feel lonely and want to be cared for.
As a response to the first, I try to add structure to my life: reading/writing, setting tough new goals to keep busy and thinking/planning the future even when it's inefficient to do so so early (people I've talked to told me planning my life at 17 isn't very effective).
As a response to the second, I try to increase my objective attractiveness, get closer around people so I can observe them, and seek attention. I try to participate more in school activities, despite not being able to connect to most people at school. This actually makes me more tired and sadder since it's all superficial. I realized it's actually very easy for me to feel happy. Last week, I was in Japan, and I realized the happiest I felt during the trip was actually the last night, when my relatives and I played a few hours of poker (I'm actually so bad I ended up last). I also feel happy playing chess with my friend (I also usually lose; contrary to popular belief I'm not smart). In fact, just having someone who listens and tries to understand me makes me very, very, very happy. But because I'm Mr. Stanford and Mr. You're-My-[Kid's]-Role-Model, The Legend, the people who accept me for who I am are extremely low in supply (which is also why I place high value on the few who do).
Emotions have also had a spillover effect lately. Though I have systems in place that prevent emotions (which takes a lot of energy to analyze so I usually don't) from affecting my productivity and decision-making, I realize the maintenance cost of storing my emotions in a box are steadily increasing - mainly because the constant need to upgrade and buy larger boxes. Perhaps I took up rapping/writing forms of self-expression as ways to relieve some of my emotions, though this often isn't reliable and hard to maintain.
The thing is, my actions taken in response to state of mind #1 takes away from time for socialization, and my inaptness at planning the future makes me feel more vulnerable. This reinforces state of mind #2, which reinforces a feeling of worthlessness and uncertainty. This creates a loop that I find extremely hard to get out of.
Then again, I've fell into these crises before, but have always managed to delay them for later. I for some reason don't find it as urgent of a priority to get out of this loop and reinvigorate my productivity right now, simply because for the first time after years of hustling I can rest for a while. Taking advice from friend spartan168 at Stanford, it's probably wise to rest while I still can. Sadly, I simply don't know how to "enjoy" life.
To elaborate on the last point, I was so pissed when I had to go to vacation in Japan when I could've travelled to two cities in China to continue my job of guest speaking for my job. Instead, I had to walk around dumb gardens and take pictures under Sakura trees when I could've been inspiring hundreds of parents and students. This makes me feel fcking selfish. It also makes me realize enjoying life is an inverse-relation activity to my purpose in life - to improve the world and the people in it. Occasionally, I miss the days when I did math into ungodly hours at night - it was when I enjoyed doing something for myself while working towards my goals. Nowadays, I feel like my life is the sum of my "impact" in the world, the present meager amount of which makes me feel sadder.
In conclusion, by writing this post, I've identified my two main needs in life - (1) be in a position to create more and more meaningful impact and (2) people who accept me for who I am. Even though I try to do always what's most logical, I will keep these two fundamental values in mind for the rest of my [adult] life.
I will make a final and last post on this blog next week when I turn 18 with some parting advice/notes/contact-info. The blog will be locked a few days after. This is my last life update on here folks.
I'm a week away from forever leaving behind childhood. Though I perfectly understand that reaching the milestone of having lived 567,648,000 seconds carries mere symbolic meaning, I believe it serves as a stressful but necessary reminder for me to evaluate my life up to this point and prepare myself going forward. This has proven to be a nightmare.
My life right now doesn't make much sense. I know this is my old INTP Ti function at play, but how tf does one logically explain my behaviors lately:
-Drinking alcohol
-Reading on AI and pondering the future of humanity
-Spending hours on Quora reading different perspectives on a same topic before moving on
-Weightlifting/exercising like mad
-Taking boxing lessons
-Killing my gains by periods of binge-eating
-Running around the city at night like a bad boy who dgaf
-Mass e-mailing Stanford CS/math professors
-Reading about 18th century and 19th century philosophers
-Learning data science from online tutorials
-Going to clubs
-Rapping and dancing around my house at night.
-Spending a ton of time applying to summer programs I don't want to go to (besides SPARC <3) and secretly hoping I get rejected so I don't have to go
-Listening to lectures given by Silicon Valley venture capitalists and trying to understand their thought process
-Getting addicted to playing chess with my close friend at school
-Writing raps (this is actually really fun)
My dreams, which used to be a source of inspiration, are now:
-Full of inappropriate sh*t
This likely means my dreams which ran on inspirationare now running on fumes.
-Simulations of random events which I'm a part of that're so eerily realistic I wonder if they'll happen in the future
This likely means the present is so insignificant that my mind is on autopilot exploring the future. This also means my low confidence in predicting the future.
-Conversations with acquaintances that I sometimes confuse with ones that actually happened
This means I'm probably lonely and desire human interaction.
After the difficult process of analyzing my actions and categorizing them under common themes, I believe my actions are motivated by two states of mind:
1. I'm fed up at how uncertain about the future I am.
2. I feel lonely and want to be cared for.
As a response to the first, I try to add structure to my life: reading/writing, setting tough new goals to keep busy and thinking/planning the future even when it's inefficient to do so so early (people I've talked to told me planning my life at 17 isn't very effective).
As a response to the second, I try to increase my objective attractiveness, get closer around people so I can observe them, and seek attention. I try to participate more in school activities, despite not being able to connect to most people at school. This actually makes me more tired and sadder since it's all superficial. I realized it's actually very easy for me to feel happy. Last week, I was in Japan, and I realized the happiest I felt during the trip was actually the last night, when my relatives and I played a few hours of poker (I'm actually so bad I ended up last). I also feel happy playing chess with my friend (I also usually lose; contrary to popular belief I'm not smart). In fact, just having someone who listens and tries to understand me makes me very, very, very happy. But because I'm Mr. Stanford and Mr. You're-My-[Kid's]-Role-Model, The Legend, the people who accept me for who I am are extremely low in supply (which is also why I place high value on the few who do).
Emotions have also had a spillover effect lately. Though I have systems in place that prevent emotions (which takes a lot of energy to analyze so I usually don't) from affecting my productivity and decision-making, I realize the maintenance cost of storing my emotions in a box are steadily increasing - mainly because the constant need to upgrade and buy larger boxes. Perhaps I took up rapping/writing forms of self-expression as ways to relieve some of my emotions, though this often isn't reliable and hard to maintain.
The thing is, my actions taken in response to state of mind #1 takes away from time for socialization, and my inaptness at planning the future makes me feel more vulnerable. This reinforces state of mind #2, which reinforces a feeling of worthlessness and uncertainty. This creates a loop that I find extremely hard to get out of.
Then again, I've fell into these crises before, but have always managed to delay them for later. I for some reason don't find it as urgent of a priority to get out of this loop and reinvigorate my productivity right now, simply because for the first time after years of hustling I can rest for a while. Taking advice from friend spartan168 at Stanford, it's probably wise to rest while I still can. Sadly, I simply don't know how to "enjoy" life.
To elaborate on the last point, I was so pissed when I had to go to vacation in Japan when I could've travelled to two cities in China to continue my job of guest speaking for my job. Instead, I had to walk around dumb gardens and take pictures under Sakura trees when I could've been inspiring hundreds of parents and students. This makes me feel fcking selfish. It also makes me realize enjoying life is an inverse-relation activity to my purpose in life - to improve the world and the people in it. Occasionally, I miss the days when I did math into ungodly hours at night - it was when I enjoyed doing something for myself while working towards my goals. Nowadays, I feel like my life is the sum of my "impact" in the world, the present meager amount of which makes me feel sadder.
In conclusion, by writing this post, I've identified my two main needs in life - (1) be in a position to create more and more meaningful impact and (2) people who accept me for who I am. Even though I try to do always what's most logical, I will keep these two fundamental values in mind for the rest of my [adult] life.
I will make a final and last post on this blog next week when I turn 18 with some parting advice/notes/contact-info. The blog will be locked a few days after. This is my last life update on here folks.
Planning My Life // Final Update on This Blog [Part 2/3]
by shiningsunnyday, Mar 30, 2018, 2:52 PM
Ok I finished planning my life.
The reason why this is the final life update I'll ever post on this blog is because this life update encompasses all the big-picture future goals I want to accomplish, based on my current model of the future. The details will change, but as of now that's what I got. The audience of this blog will probably not find my future posts useful, so I've completed the migration to http://www.shiningsunnyday.com which will be my main site for writing from now on. If you want to follow me you can subscribe your e-mail on the site.
First, some updates
I've also had more time toget high at clubs spend with friends. since last post.
As of now I'm convinced the best way for me to maximize my positive impact on the world (which is my life goal) is through the field of Artificial Intelligence. In order to do so, I plan to take two approaches.
1. Develop safe Artificial General Intelligence aligned with human values by becoming a leader in the field and setting the agenda for safe AI.
Some foreseeable consequences
2. Cognitively enhancing humans through neural implants by creating a high-bandwidth, highly personalized neural implant for learning and push it on the market.
Some foreseeable consequences
This will change the world...
My long-term agenda to accomplish these two is vague, but based on my research up to this point my agenda the next four years at least is quite clear. I think it's most logical to set the following goals for myself at Stanford:
1. Build a robust network of connections
2. Do internships
3. Build a group of peers
4. Find my lifelong partner and marry her in 2022.
Now after graduating...
5. Conduct one year of AI research [2022-2023] during my Masters at Stanford or by joining Google/Facebook's year-long AI Residency Programs.
6. Join Google/Facebook core research team [2023].
7. Spend next two years [2023-2025] building a team, surveying the present market, securing investors, and a product.
Then
By age 30
By age 40
By age 50
Ok, time to get started.
List of stuff to do over spring break
Good life.
The reason why this is the final life update I'll ever post on this blog is because this life update encompasses all the big-picture future goals I want to accomplish, based on my current model of the future. The details will change, but as of now that's what I got. The audience of this blog will probably not find my future posts useful, so I've completed the migration to http://www.shiningsunnyday.com which will be my main site for writing from now on. If you want to follow me you can subscribe your e-mail on the site.
First, some updates
- I'm employed! I travel around China giving talks to parents/students on the college app process.
- I've been performing a lot at school events (assemblies, Shanghai local events, etc.). I rapped GD, Eminem, and B.O.B. I've got two more planned for the year (best for last). It's been good practice for college.
- I'm weightlifting regularly and started boxing at the gym, and Keto diet has been going well so I'm gaining muscle and losing fat. My weight has stabilized exactly at 70.0 kg.
- I spend most spare time reading on future tech via books, websites, and podcasts.
- A lot of knowledge I gather is processed into posts on http://www.shiningsunnyday.com.
- I finished applications to summer programs SPARC, ESPR, and Google CSSI.
I've also had more time to
As of now I'm convinced the best way for me to maximize my positive impact on the world (which is my life goal) is through the field of Artificial Intelligence. In order to do so, I plan to take two approaches.
1. Develop safe Artificial General Intelligence aligned with human values by becoming a leader in the field and setting the agenda for safe AI.
Some foreseeable consequences
- Making jobs obsolete by necessity
- Launch a new Renaissance
- Maximize the chance of human race surviving extinction in the future
2. Cognitively enhancing humans through neural implants by creating a high-bandwidth, highly personalized neural implant for learning and push it on the market.
Some foreseeable consequences
- An immediate disruption of the education industry, possible end to schooling lmfao
- Learning rate for most domains of skill will skyrocket
- World's nervous system (information transfer and dissemination) will be more optimized
This will change the world...
My long-term agenda to accomplish these two is vague, but based on my research up to this point my agenda the next four years at least is quite clear. I think it's most logical to set the following goals for myself at Stanford:
1. Build a robust network of connections
The maintenance cost of this network is proportional to the size of it, so there's a point of diminishing marginal returns, so I have to do this carefully.
with current and future industry/research experts in the field of AI.2. Do internships
Internships should be at large companies to understand professional workflow, logistics, and get experience.
every summer and work part-time senior year at a startup.My role at the startup should be an important one, in order to learn the process.
3. Build a group of peers
Try to meet someone new everyday and understand their vision to see if we match.
Attend every entrepreneurial event possible to learn and network.
who share the same vision for the future.Attend every entrepreneurial event possible to learn and network.
4. Find my lifelong partner and marry her in 2022.
The reasons for early marriage are three-fold.
a) I likely won't have time for dating when hustling the startup life.
b) I want a growth relationship and already have a clear idea to the kind of partner that would best complement me so why wait?
c) The more successful I get, the harder it is to tell if a girl wants me or my success. A girl who truly belongs with me will see the potential in me and my dreams the same way Stanford did and go through the ups and downs with me even if the chance of me succeeding is slim. Thus, the only way to tell is before the glam and the fashion.
To optimize my chance of finding a high-quality mate, I will increase my attractiveness by:
a) I likely won't have time for dating when hustling the startup life.
b) I want a growth relationship and already have a clear idea to the kind of partner that would best complement me so why wait?
c) The more successful I get, the harder it is to tell if a girl wants me or my success. A girl who truly belongs with me will see the potential in me and my dreams the same way Stanford did and go through the ups and downs with me even if the chance of me succeeding is slim. Thus, the only way to tell is before the glam and the fashion.
To optimize my chance of finding a high-quality mate, I will increase my attractiveness by:
- Become a night club rapper and hip hop dancer.
- Play club basketball and be on top of the game.
- Working out regularly and keep shredded (already working on it).
Once in relationship, my duty then becomes to maximize my partner's happiness (which is a side project that I believe will yield strong returns for me as well). I will: - Spend a few hours with her every day to talk and work independently.
- Go somewhere and do something new with her every Saturday.
Now after graduating...
5. Conduct one year of AI research [2022-2023] during my Masters at Stanford or by joining Google/Facebook's year-long AI Residency Programs.
6. Join Google/Facebook core research team [2023].
7. Spend next two years [2023-2025] building a team, surveying the present market, securing investors, and a product.
Then
If my startup is getting sales, quit Google/Facebook and work full time as an entrepreneur!
If no sales, sell my shares and head back to China to enter a leading role in Baidu's core product or technology team. Since I'm bilingual and come from Google/Facebook's core tech team, this shouldn't be hard. This also allows me to survey China's consumer market, which is going to be way more promising than US.
If no sales, sell my shares and head back to China to enter a leading role in Baidu's core product or technology team. Since I'm bilingual and come from Google/Facebook's core tech team, this shouldn't be hard. This also allows me to survey China's consumer market, which is going to be way more promising than US.
By age 30
I will be either:
a) Be extremely successful from IPO'ing or rich from selling my startup, either in China or Silicon Valley, so I'll:
i) Buy mansions and cars and truckloads of roses for my wife, make kids and do some life stuff.
ii) Join a top investment firm.
iii) Invest the money made into cutting edge neurotechnology R&D startup in 2030.
iv) Become CEO of a neurotech company.
v) Push the learning implant product to the international market.
b) Fail my startup but still be a leading role in Baidu's AI development
i) Continue searching for market opportunities.
ii) Try to join another startup.
iii) If I'm old af, rage quit, go do a PhD in neurotech and go work as a R&D scientist at some startup back in US...
a) Be extremely successful from IPO'ing or rich from selling my startup, either in China or Silicon Valley, so I'll:
i) Buy mansions and cars and truckloads of roses for my wife, make kids and do some life stuff.
ii) Join a top investment firm.
iii) Invest the money made into cutting edge neurotechnology R&D startup in 2030.
iv) Become CEO of a neurotech company.
v) Push the learning implant product to the international market.
b) Fail my startup but still be a leading role in Baidu's AI development
i) Continue searching for market opportunities.
ii) Try to join another startup.
iii) If I'm old af, rage quit, go do a PhD in neurotech and go work as a R&D scientist at some startup back in US...
By age 40
I will either:
a) Be famous from first success and CEO of a bustling and growing company.
i) Do some life stuff.
ii) Become a venture capitalist and invest my money in new startups.
ii) Depending on where I'm faring better, either become a full-time venture capitalist or go back as CEO.
b) Be famous from first success but CEO of a crashing company.
i) Invest all the money I have in another startup and become CEO.
ii) Repeat until I have a successful startup.
c) Still trying to get a first startup working.
i) Age 40 and still no IPO? Probably gg at this point. At least I tried.
ii) Retire from the entrepreneural life and go to step d).
d) Having retired from the entrepreneurial life and working as a R&D neurotech scientist.
i) Continue working for as long as I want.
ii) At some point I'll be tired - quit and become a philosopher or something and start traveling the world.
iii) Bring my family to Mars, perhaps.
a) Be famous from first success and CEO of a bustling and growing company.
i) Do some life stuff.
ii) Become a venture capitalist and invest my money in new startups.
ii) Depending on where I'm faring better, either become a full-time venture capitalist or go back as CEO.
b) Be famous from first success but CEO of a crashing company.
i) Invest all the money I have in another startup and become CEO.
ii) Repeat until I have a successful startup.
c) Still trying to get a first startup working.
i) Age 40 and still no IPO? Probably gg at this point. At least I tried.
ii) Retire from the entrepreneural life and go to step d).
d) Having retired from the entrepreneurial life and working as a R&D neurotech scientist.
i) Continue working for as long as I want.
ii) At some point I'll be tired - quit and become a philosopher or something and start traveling the world.
iii) Bring my family to Mars, perhaps.
By age 50
Companies will likely all be automated by AI, so regardless how rich I am by then, I will probably donate it all to fund Mars development. Then, I'll retire and spend time with family, travel the world, write books, etc.
Ok, time to get started.
List of stuff to do over spring break
- Mass e-mail Stanford professors by researching what each is working on and asking one-by-one if they can mentor my research over summer, as I'll be independently studying and likely will be in the Bay Area.
- Finish Make School application.
- Do some competitive programming (I'm actually so bad at this but I need at least decent skills).
- Read "Superintelligence" by Bostrom.
- Go through MIRI's research agenda on AI alignment and start reading their papers, then complete the application for this year's summer AI Fellowship program.
- Continue Stanford online course in LinAlg and self-study higher math relevant to AI.
- Research on Stanford's programs and plan out my four years there.
Good life.
This post has been edited 2 times. Last edited by shiningsunnyday, Mar 31, 2018, 8:43 AM
Pieces // Class of 2022 // Final Update On This Blog [Part 1/3]
by shiningsunnyday, Mar 29, 2018, 2:09 PM
Rejected from Harvard, Princeton, Yale, MIT, UCLA, UCSD.
Your spots are the most coveted of any US college.
Yet you took a chance in me when nobody else did.
This means the world to me.
Destiny calls from the West.
Committed Stanford Class of 2022!
Pieces from memory
Harvard
New kid
Betrayal
Isolation
Garbage
Class clown
A bit too far
Awakening
Hustle begins
Lonelier the higher you get
Hello, anyone there?
Overnight sensation
Back when I was nothing.
Where were you guys again?
When I had nothing and stood bluffing.
Where were you back then?
Crazy they say my aspirations then,
Change they ask of me to fit in there,
Inspirational they say my aspirations are now,
Now people change to be more like me here.
Cause one's success comes at others' costs,
With scarcity there is competition, that's the natural law,
Which filters our behaviors through selfish thoughts,
Scarcity makes us products o' the system of us all.
Your spots are the most coveted of any US college.
Yet you took a chance in me when nobody else did.
This means the world to me.
Destiny calls from the West.
Committed Stanford Class of 2022!
Pieces from memory
Harvard
"Hey dad, what's the best university on the planet?"
"That would be Harvard."
"I'll get into Harvard!"
"Son, I'll be in tears of joy if you attend my alma mater, USC."
"Go to a UC public school, in-state tuition saves your dad and I a lot of money."
"But I want to prove the other kids at school wrong! I want to get in Harvard!"
"Eat your rice and sleep early. You have counseling session tomorrow."
"Students, today we're writing about our dreams and aspirations in a letter to your future self. Be sure to complete it before you're dismissed to go to lunch."
Dear me,
...
I want to get into a top school like Harvard, the school all the parents want their kids to go to. I will work as hard as I can, no matter what it takes to prove others wrong.
...
*Taking pictures*
"Michael! Stand right there, let me take some photos of you by the John Harvard statue!"
"This is an once-in-a-lifetime tour opportunity!"
"But I'll be back here anyways for college."
"I want to get in to Harvard."
"Lol ok."
"I'm serious. I will change completely in high school. I will stuff my schedule up with AP classes, SAT prep, extracurriculars and do everything perfectly to get into Harvard."
"Why do you want to get into Harvard?"
"I just want to prove people wrong. They all think I'm weird and a clown and a perv. They don't understand me. Once I get in, I'll change back. Party every day."
"That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Good luck with that."
"That would be Harvard."
"I'll get into Harvard!"
"Son, I'll be in tears of joy if you attend my alma mater, USC."
"Go to a UC public school, in-state tuition saves your dad and I a lot of money."
"But I want to prove the other kids at school wrong! I want to get in Harvard!"
"Eat your rice and sleep early. You have counseling session tomorrow."
"Students, today we're writing about our dreams and aspirations in a letter to your future self. Be sure to complete it before you're dismissed to go to lunch."
Dear me,
...
I want to get into a top school like Harvard, the school all the parents want their kids to go to. I will work as hard as I can, no matter what it takes to prove others wrong.
...
*Taking pictures*
"Michael! Stand right there, let me take some photos of you by the John Harvard statue!"
"This is an once-in-a-lifetime tour opportunity!"
"But I'll be back here anyways for college."
"I want to get in to Harvard."
"Lol ok."
"I'm serious. I will change completely in high school. I will stuff my schedule up with AP classes, SAT prep, extracurriculars and do everything perfectly to get into Harvard."
"Why do you want to get into Harvard?"
"I just want to prove people wrong. They all think I'm weird and a clown and a perv. They don't understand me. Once I get in, I'll change back. Party every day."
"That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Good luck with that."
New kid
"Who can complete the blank in the sentence? The way the turtle moved was very (slow, fast, cool)."
*Shyly raises hand*
"Michael?"
"Cool?"
*Class laughs*
*Shyly raises hand*
"Michael?"
"Cool?"
*Class laughs*
Betrayal
"Sorry Michael, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. I'm now hanging out with **** and their group."
Isolation
"Ms. ***, why doesn't Michael ever talk?"
"Why is there a [participation quota] checklist on Michael's desk?"
"Son, I'm sending you to a counseling group. There're two other kids who're younger than you. Hope you can get along with them. I also booked sessions with your homeroom teacher after school."
"Why is there a [participation quota] checklist on Michael's desk?"
"Son, I'm sending you to a counseling group. There're two other kids who're younger than you. Hope you can get along with them. I also booked sessions with your homeroom teacher after school."
Garbage
"Hey [crush]! I know that you ___."
"You're such a stalker."
"Sorry, what's a stalker?"
"Go screw yourself."
*Blocks me*
My english was still quite bad then, and had to search up the meanings of "stalk" and "screw."
"You're such a stalker."
"Sorry, what's a stalker?"
"Go screw yourself."
*Blocks me*
My english was still quite bad then, and had to search up the meanings of "stalk" and "screw."
Class clown
"Michael, how are you so talkative now!?"
"Michael needs to learn to better use his humor. The video he made for last unit's project wasn't the most appropriate, even though his group was by far the most popular."
"Let's forget this incident. Mr. *******'s wife had to run back home to get you a white shirt cause you were going to go on stage as the only one with a black shirt."
"Michael, you NEED to become an actor!"
"You're a natural born actor."
"Michael's hilarious."
"Michael's such a weirdo."
"And the award for most vocal improvement goes to... Michael Sun!"
"Michael needs to learn to better use his humor. The video he made for last unit's project wasn't the most appropriate, even though his group was by far the most popular."
"Let's forget this incident. Mr. *******'s wife had to run back home to get you a white shirt cause you were going to go on stage as the only one with a black shirt."
"Michael, you NEED to become an actor!"
"You're a natural born actor."
"Michael's hilarious."
"Michael's such a weirdo."
"And the award for most vocal improvement goes to... Michael Sun!"
A bit too far
"Michael's perverted."
"They hate you."
"They hate you."
Awakening
"Hey Michael, just saw your ex ***** at the restaurant with your best friend. It's ok man."
"Son, your best friend's mom told me he invited everyone to his birthday party except you, cause he says you're becoming too anti-social. What has gotten into you?"
"Michael is a perfectionist in all his work, but I'm worried for his health if he continues to be this tense in high school, where the workload will be a lot heavier."
"[Chinese guards] You can't stay on campus every day past 6; we're in charge of locking the doors."
On middle school graduation day, I skipped the graduation party, went home, and began reading Brave New World. The whole summer, I locked myself in my bedroom and read the whole summer.
"Son, your best friend's mom told me he invited everyone to his birthday party except you, cause he says you're becoming too anti-social. What has gotten into you?"
"Michael is a perfectionist in all his work, but I'm worried for his health if he continues to be this tense in high school, where the workload will be a lot heavier."
"[Chinese guards] You can't stay on campus every day past 6; we're in charge of locking the doors."
On middle school graduation day, I skipped the graduation party, went home, and began reading Brave New World. The whole summer, I locked myself in my bedroom and read the whole summer.
Hustle begins
"I got a 4.0 this semester!"
"Let's ignore Michael. He's so arrogant."
"All he cares about is grades."
"Son, *****'s dad and I were just talking. *****, your childhood friend, even thinks you've changed. Look at how your old friends are talking about you."
"Let's ignore Michael. He's so arrogant."
"All he cares about is grades."
"Son, *****'s dad and I were just talking. *****, your childhood friend, even thinks you've changed. Look at how your old friends are talking about you."
Lonelier the higher you get
"Michael wants to be left alone. Let's go somewhere else."
"Son, it's your problem nobody gets you."
"Son, it's your problem nobody gets you."
Hello, anyone there?
"Michael's just crazy."
"Your mind is only on math."
"You can't just ditch your grades!"
"Based on your attendance record you may not receive credit for this course."
"You can't be irresponsible. Remember, all the contests you do is extracurricular activities, which comes after curricular activities."
"Your mind is only on math."
"You can't just ditch your grades!"
"Based on your attendance record you may not receive credit for this course."
"You can't be irresponsible. Remember, all the contests you do is extracurricular activities, which comes after curricular activities."
Overnight sensation
"Michael you're my role model. I want to be just like you."
"Thank you for inspiring all of us to pursue our goals."
"The legend."
"I want to be the next Michael Sun."
"How are you so good at everything."
"How can my child be like you?"
"You're my son's inspiration."
"Michael don't forget our friendship in the future, when you get rich and famous."
“Michael my friend says she wants to marry you!”
"Michael I'm following you from now on."
"Thank you for inspiring all of us to pursue our goals."
"The legend."
"I want to be the next Michael Sun."
"How are you so good at everything."
"How can my child be like you?"
"You're my son's inspiration."
"Michael don't forget our friendship in the future, when you get rich and famous."
“Michael my friend says she wants to marry you!”
"Michael I'm following you from now on."
Personal Note from Stanford Admission Officer wrote:
"Your passion for math and learning is contagious. I really enjoyed your personal essay."
Back when I was nothing.
Where were you guys again?
When I had nothing and stood bluffing.
Where were you back then?
Crazy they say my aspirations then,
Change they ask of me to fit in there,
Inspirational they say my aspirations are now,
Now people change to be more like me here.
Cause one's success comes at others' costs,
With scarcity there is competition, that's the natural law,
Which filters our behaviors through selfish thoughts,
Scarcity makes us products o' the system of us all.
This post has been edited 13 times. Last edited by shiningsunnyday, Apr 1, 2018, 6:13 AM
How I deal with emotions - my biggest weakness
by shiningsunnyday, Feb 17, 2018, 3:48 PM
Firstly, the post I alluded to on my new site is complete. Reads, subscriptions, bookmarks and/or comments are appreciated.
Much of my life, especially recent years, I've struggled with the expression of emotions. This is different from understanding emotions and people, which I think I do pretty well (I have yet to mis-guess the mbti of people I know in real life, though I did stumble over the mbti's of some facebook friends
gxah, I'll try my best to preserve your anonymity.
Emotions certainly have helped bridge differences between humans. Body language actually accounts for the majority of in-person communication, not vocal. While it has come a long way, we should recognize emotions first formed in our limbic systems as fear, excitement, love, in our mammalian ancestors as tools for the survival and development. After all, fear is incentive to stay alive, excitement to amass resources, love to reproduce, etc. Over centuries, however, along the origin of our species we developed the unique neocortex for primates to choose rational thinking for our decision making process. Yet, we still relied on the limbic system due to its benefit of lower mental energy consumption and instant gratification. In our society today, such motivations still manifest in the form of drugs, sex, pornography, etc. which continues to lead people astray.
This is not to say I believe emotions should be outright eradicated (though it might be possible with brain-machine interfaces), but that we should understand how we deal with emotions and express it in appropriate ways, something I now understand after years of being misguided.
Many years ago, I really, really liked this girl. But she told me (many times) she didn't feel the same way. Today, I would immediately redraw my investment
The reason why I believe I was so hard-headed, other than I am hard-headed (still) in everything I want to achieve, is the failures of my previous crushes. I got my first crush in 5th grade, and her being 100% extrovert and me 100% introvert, never found the chance to approach her. She left me hanging on a cliff when she left after the year. My second crush, also in 5th grade, rejected me in all-caps with explicit language on Skype and blocked me after finding out I like her, the worst part being I was bad at English and couldn't understand half her swear words and sarcasm (searching it up afterwards was more painful). Having been treated like nothing for years at that point, these failures only fed my dogged determination to prove others wrong, and is probably why shiningsunnyday the avenger was so hard-headed for this girl.
Granted, this was unfair for her, the vessel for my journey to expressing my identity, but she helped me grow in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. In fact, spending sleepless nights on threads on "how to get a girl to like you" developed my EQ, humor, and social skills a lot, and is why I'm interested and plan to study more psychology in college.
This would've been a terrific self-development journey, bar the one devil in the details: most of our communication took place online. This led to stagnate my ability to express emotions.
As one of my biggest weaknesses, expression of emotions is tough not because of this girl, but also because my time growing up. Having my parents divorced in third grade (and also being the only child) never allowed me to be in the influence of genuine expressions of emotions, since my parents would "act" whenever I'm around, and it certainly doesn't help that they're both terrible actors.
Though I may seem stoned time-to-time, this doesn't mean I don't feel emotions. In fact, I probably do more than anyone, because emotions that're meant to be expressed remain bottled up in me often. I take pride in my ability to "fake" my behavior to act like anyone (since years of being alone in elementary school allowed me to observe and study all types of social behavior). As a defensive measure, my solution as of now is to catch my emotions, make sure it doesn't get in the way of productivity, and dilute it in different ways, like writing blog posts or rapping on stage to the cheers of a crowd.
I also find myself liking girls as frequently as any normal teen, which feels natural as long as I don't fall for one, which I've yet to experience ever since the subject "girl" of this post. I find myself liking many girls, often those who possess an non-empty subset of the characteristics I desire in a partner.
I do worry of the possibility of being hacked, however - if a girl ever gets me in an emotional chokehold, aka love. Love, unlike "like", is unfamiliar waters for me (my most recent experience being the "girl"), so I plan to stay away from it as best as I can, until after marriage. If it does come up, I am confident in my immune system to get rid of the parasite before it begins its damage.
Hopefully, you found this post intriguing and applicable.
Much of my life, especially recent years, I've struggled with the expression of emotions. This is different from understanding emotions and people, which I think I do pretty well (I have yet to mis-guess the mbti of people I know in real life, though I did stumble over the mbti's of some facebook friends
social media ugh
). When I asked a friend on what she thought emotions were for, she responded:
Response wrote:
huh
express urself?
express urself?
Emotions certainly have helped bridge differences between humans. Body language actually accounts for the majority of in-person communication, not vocal. While it has come a long way, we should recognize emotions first formed in our limbic systems as fear, excitement, love, in our mammalian ancestors as tools for the survival and development. After all, fear is incentive to stay alive, excitement to amass resources, love to reproduce, etc. Over centuries, however, along the origin of our species we developed the unique neocortex for primates to choose rational thinking for our decision making process. Yet, we still relied on the limbic system due to its benefit of lower mental energy consumption and instant gratification. In our society today, such motivations still manifest in the form of drugs, sex, pornography, etc. which continues to lead people astray.
This is not to say I believe emotions should be outright eradicated (though it might be possible with brain-machine interfaces), but that we should understand how we deal with emotions and express it in appropriate ways, something I now understand after years of being misguided.
Many years ago, I really, really liked this girl. But she told me (many times) she didn't feel the same way. Today, I would immediately redraw my investment
Inflation rate is higher than nominal interest rate
after the first such response, but being the hard-headed boy I was back then I dwelled in my emotions and continued on. By my current value system, I basically became dysfunctionaldreaming of her every night, daydreaming every class, stalking, texting my friends 24/7 about her, fantasizing, etc. etc.
, and (over) thought how I could get her to requite my feelings. I exaggerated the implied meanings of meaningless actions of hers to persuade myself I had a chance (cognitive bias), so it didn't help when my friends sort of entertained themselves watching me rather than straight up telling me to give up.The reason why I believe I was so hard-headed, other than I am hard-headed (still) in everything I want to achieve, is the failures of my previous crushes. I got my first crush in 5th grade, and her being 100% extrovert and me 100% introvert, never found the chance to approach her. She left me hanging on a cliff when she left after the year. My second crush, also in 5th grade, rejected me in all-caps with explicit language on Skype and blocked me after finding out I like her, the worst part being I was bad at English and couldn't understand half her swear words and sarcasm (searching it up afterwards was more painful). Having been treated like nothing for years at that point, these failures only fed my dogged determination to prove others wrong, and is probably why shiningsunnyday the avenger was so hard-headed for this girl.
Granted, this was unfair for her, the vessel for my journey to expressing my identity, but she helped me grow in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. In fact, spending sleepless nights on threads on "how to get a girl to like you" developed my EQ, humor, and social skills a lot, and is why I'm interested and plan to study more psychology in college.
This would've been a terrific self-development journey, bar the one devil in the details: most of our communication took place online. This led to stagnate my ability to express emotions.
As one of my biggest weaknesses, expression of emotions is tough not because of this girl, but also because my time growing up. Having my parents divorced in third grade (and also being the only child) never allowed me to be in the influence of genuine expressions of emotions, since my parents would "act" whenever I'm around, and it certainly doesn't help that they're both terrible actors.
Though I may seem stoned time-to-time, this doesn't mean I don't feel emotions. In fact, I probably do more than anyone, because emotions that're meant to be expressed remain bottled up in me often. I take pride in my ability to "fake" my behavior to act like anyone (since years of being alone in elementary school allowed me to observe and study all types of social behavior). As a defensive measure, my solution as of now is to catch my emotions, make sure it doesn't get in the way of productivity, and dilute it in different ways, like writing blog posts or rapping on stage to the cheers of a crowd.
haha just kidding, that'll never happen
So all in all, I feel really comfortable with my mechanisms of dealing with emotions. It's actually an amazing lifestyle to have, not having to worry about emotions getting in the way - like cruising through college with a scholarship as opposed to loans. I can also choose to trap and activate emotions, just to analyze them or for fun.or did it
I also find myself liking girls as frequently as any normal teen, which feels natural as long as I don't fall for one, which I've yet to experience ever since the subject "girl" of this post. I find myself liking many girls, often those who possess an non-empty subset of the characteristics I desire in a partner.
I do worry of the possibility of being hacked, however - if a girl ever gets me in an emotional chokehold, aka love. Love, unlike "like", is unfamiliar waters for me (my most recent experience being the "girl"), so I plan to stay away from it as best as I can, until after marriage. If it does come up, I am confident in my immune system to get rid of the parasite before it begins its damage.
Hopefully, you found this post intriguing and applicable.
Save me...
by shiningsunnyday, Feb 10, 2018, 1:28 PM
I used to be a believer in parallel universes rather than simulation theory. After all, what's there to stop me from stopping my typing at the end of this sentence and hit the club to chug down some shots and do god-knows what? As a proud INTP for the majority of my life, introverted thinking (Ti) drove me to constantly intake new information and imagine the what if. In fact, I almost prided myself as being an INTP in my college apps, as my response to one college prompt went something like this:
Growing up, the internet become my escape. I would be reading SpaceX's website one moment and the next be watching a video explaining relativity in simple terms. My childhood naivete for seeking knowledge was my escape from everyday life, amongst Naruto, Skyrim, and wealth of anime and video games.
Gradually, my interest dampened on these things. The best way to put it is, sh*t just became boringly predictable. I was a class clown in middle school, so I've always had this knack of knowing how my actions would affect others' impressions of me. Pull a string here during a 6th grade english class impersonation, and the girls would laugh. Make an innuendo there, and the next moment a frown would be on the teacher's face. I always wanted attention, so most of socialization came in the form of trying different things, seeing how people respond, and adjusting my actions. I thought I could get anything I wanted in life, and those parent college talks was the stuff of the hour, so I thought, cool, I'll figure out how to get into a good college. Truth be told, who I am today was nearly the same person I envisioned myself to be 4 years ago, when I walked out of my middle school homeroom for the last time, held up a finger at the end of the hall (it was late at night), and shouted out, "I will succeed!"
Today, my world view are mostly the same, except even the once-blurry details are now all the more obvious. I no longer expend the energy to entertain the what-if, for I'm busy figuring out the what-is and the what-will. Most of modern society life to me seems now like a particle undergoing motion while defined by an underlying set of rules of physics. These real life occurrences appear to be the result of probability but their causes themselves are the result of actions that came before then, hence the saying "Everything happens for a reason." Sure, the rate at which possibilities multiply is near infinite, hence the illusion that everything seems possible. But really, once these underlying set of rules are known, most occurrences are predictable. Like in a video game, the NPCs seem to move about randomly, but they're the result of pseudo-random algorithms that are random enough to make us think they're random, but in reality are not. This is now why I believe in simulation theory.
If you think about it, most of our behaviors are becoming more and more predictable. The more competitive society becomes, the more our behavior is driven by the need to optimize our standing in society, because there's only a finite amount of resources (power, fame, money). When we like someone else's totally-undeserving pic of a random cake or something, it's not because we genuinely appraised it to be worthy of it, but because subconsciously our brain wires it to a higher chance the said someone will like our future pics, which is wired to a likelihood of higher standing. It's an uncomfortable truth, but most of our actions are explained by psychology. Being halfway done with the book Influence: Science and Practice, I learned a lot of ways salespeople and people in general manipulate in others using an understanding of basic psychological and civilizational principles, and it's astounding how all of this comes together. Essentially, we've become AI to the point everyone wants to optimize their actions to achieve a certain outcome most consistent with their values/belief (could be for money, power, being liked, or combination of any means of an end). Experience fine tunes our behavior model for optimization (like evolution but sped up so we can constantly see the updated results). It doesn't make sense that we whine and say AI will take away the spirits that make us human - curiosity, genuineness, passion, etc. - because honestly, we're already becoming AI ourselves (it's driven by evolutionary mechanisms that we must act in certain ways for us to survive in society). When I meet some mutual family friends, their children (who undergo the Chinese GaoKao), have essentially become robots. "6 AM wake up every morning. 7-10 AM language tutoring. 10-11 AM tennis practice. 11-12 lunch at cafeteria. 12-1 TOEFL tutoring. 1-3 math and science tutoring, etc." I had to pretend to listen intently as their parents tell me their children's academic regime. Then they give me that surely-you-understand-this-for-you-went-through-it-yourself-and-now-you're-on-top look. "What advice can you give?" I usually just provide some general template and act polite. I do understand, and it's not that I don't want to help, but more that I've seen through the system itself completely and it doesn't work, less so the further ahead I look. In 10 years, majority of education will be personalized online. In 20 years, teachers will be replaced by AI. In 30 years, brain implants will be available that provide the most direct form of education. By midcentury, our brains would be connected to a cloud. In this future where googling for information is automated inside our brain on a subconscious level, it's not just fitting to say what we're doing now is meaningless, it's akin to serving a sentence in jail. Of course, those in my family I tell this to think I'm ridiculous, but it will happen (and I will be a part of it). But the bigger question at hand is, what are the things that are still meaningful, now, in 10 years, 20 years, forever? How can we ingrain purpose for humans when AI takes over society and UBI introduced? What can be preserved and what must go, and how will we adapt? I toss and turn a lot of such schemes in my head. That explains why I'm now an INTJ.
So no, I didn't take the AMC and didn't plan to take any math contests this year. There're bigger problems that we must solve and their links to the fate of humanity are ones that only our generation can create and secure.
In real life, I roam around a lot now to all sorts of places in the city (almost none of my energy is expended on day-to-day life, so I guess that makes me in the eyes of others spontaneous af). Sigh, I wish I was less lonely. An ENFP/ENFJ girlfriend (or any intuitive-mbti-types) would be nice company until college starts and provide me of some last pre-adulthood fun, at which point its time to start turning these crazy schemes of mine into reality (funding, VCs, business plans, learning markets, startups...). As graduation approaches, I guess I'll keep making my plans.
Check out my website for more elaboration of the visions/schemes I have in mind in the near and distant future.
Essay prompt wrote:
If you had an extra hour in the day, how would you spend the time? (50 words or less)
Me wrote:
Doing the math! To add one hour to every calendar while maintaining synchronization to the astronomical year, nine of twelve months must require an extra day, three months requiring two extra, and February loses a day every 24 years. Engrossed in this what if, today’s extra hour would be up!
Growing up, the internet become my escape. I would be reading SpaceX's website one moment and the next be watching a video explaining relativity in simple terms. My childhood naivete for seeking knowledge was my escape from everyday life, amongst Naruto, Skyrim, and wealth of anime and video games.
Gradually, my interest dampened on these things. The best way to put it is, sh*t just became boringly predictable. I was a class clown in middle school, so I've always had this knack of knowing how my actions would affect others' impressions of me. Pull a string here during a 6th grade english class impersonation, and the girls would laugh. Make an innuendo there, and the next moment a frown would be on the teacher's face. I always wanted attention, so most of socialization came in the form of trying different things, seeing how people respond, and adjusting my actions. I thought I could get anything I wanted in life, and those parent college talks was the stuff of the hour, so I thought, cool, I'll figure out how to get into a good college. Truth be told, who I am today was nearly the same person I envisioned myself to be 4 years ago, when I walked out of my middle school homeroom for the last time, held up a finger at the end of the hall (it was late at night), and shouted out, "I will succeed!"
Today, my world view are mostly the same, except even the once-blurry details are now all the more obvious. I no longer expend the energy to entertain the what-if, for I'm busy figuring out the what-is and the what-will. Most of modern society life to me seems now like a particle undergoing motion while defined by an underlying set of rules of physics. These real life occurrences appear to be the result of probability but their causes themselves are the result of actions that came before then, hence the saying "Everything happens for a reason." Sure, the rate at which possibilities multiply is near infinite, hence the illusion that everything seems possible. But really, once these underlying set of rules are known, most occurrences are predictable. Like in a video game, the NPCs seem to move about randomly, but they're the result of pseudo-random algorithms that are random enough to make us think they're random, but in reality are not. This is now why I believe in simulation theory.
If you think about it, most of our behaviors are becoming more and more predictable. The more competitive society becomes, the more our behavior is driven by the need to optimize our standing in society, because there's only a finite amount of resources (power, fame, money). When we like someone else's totally-undeserving pic of a random cake or something, it's not because we genuinely appraised it to be worthy of it, but because subconsciously our brain wires it to a higher chance the said someone will like our future pics, which is wired to a likelihood of higher standing. It's an uncomfortable truth, but most of our actions are explained by psychology. Being halfway done with the book Influence: Science and Practice, I learned a lot of ways salespeople and people in general manipulate in others using an understanding of basic psychological and civilizational principles, and it's astounding how all of this comes together. Essentially, we've become AI to the point everyone wants to optimize their actions to achieve a certain outcome most consistent with their values/belief (could be for money, power, being liked, or combination of any means of an end). Experience fine tunes our behavior model for optimization (like evolution but sped up so we can constantly see the updated results). It doesn't make sense that we whine and say AI will take away the spirits that make us human - curiosity, genuineness, passion, etc. - because honestly, we're already becoming AI ourselves (it's driven by evolutionary mechanisms that we must act in certain ways for us to survive in society). When I meet some mutual family friends, their children (who undergo the Chinese GaoKao), have essentially become robots. "6 AM wake up every morning. 7-10 AM language tutoring. 10-11 AM tennis practice. 11-12 lunch at cafeteria. 12-1 TOEFL tutoring. 1-3 math and science tutoring, etc." I had to pretend to listen intently as their parents tell me their children's academic regime. Then they give me that surely-you-understand-this-for-you-went-through-it-yourself-and-now-you're-on-top look. "What advice can you give?" I usually just provide some general template and act polite. I do understand, and it's not that I don't want to help, but more that I've seen through the system itself completely and it doesn't work, less so the further ahead I look. In 10 years, majority of education will be personalized online. In 20 years, teachers will be replaced by AI. In 30 years, brain implants will be available that provide the most direct form of education. By midcentury, our brains would be connected to a cloud. In this future where googling for information is automated inside our brain on a subconscious level, it's not just fitting to say what we're doing now is meaningless, it's akin to serving a sentence in jail. Of course, those in my family I tell this to think I'm ridiculous, but it will happen (and I will be a part of it). But the bigger question at hand is, what are the things that are still meaningful, now, in 10 years, 20 years, forever? How can we ingrain purpose for humans when AI takes over society and UBI introduced? What can be preserved and what must go, and how will we adapt? I toss and turn a lot of such schemes in my head. That explains why I'm now an INTJ.
So no, I didn't take the AMC and didn't plan to take any math contests this year. There're bigger problems that we must solve and their links to the fate of humanity are ones that only our generation can create and secure.
In real life, I roam around a lot now to all sorts of places in the city (almost none of my energy is expended on day-to-day life, so I guess that makes me in the eyes of others spontaneous af). Sigh, I wish I was less lonely. An ENFP/ENFJ girlfriend (or any intuitive-mbti-types) would be nice company until college starts and provide me of some last pre-adulthood fun, at which point its time to start turning these crazy schemes of mine into reality (funding, VCs, business plans, learning markets, startups...). As graduation approaches, I guess I'll keep making my plans.
Check out my website for more elaboration of the visions/schemes I have in mind in the near and distant future.
2018 Motivation
by shiningsunnyday, Jan 1, 2018, 12:06 PM
Last year's "2017 Motivation" post worked out pretty well, so here goes another one for this year. I'll save goals for last, and talk about what's been transpiring lately.
During the first week of winter break, I mostly stayed home at coded a lot in Python. It's way easier to understand and write than Java, and I did a lot of data science stuff with it on DataCamp, and am about two-thirds done with obtaining a career track certificate for a Python Programmer! (and about one-third from Data Scientist with Python).
I also began participating in a few CodeForces contests, but realized how trash I am at this (handle: shiningsunnyday). A lot to improve on here (after a few rounds now I always get As and B's for Div 2 quickly, and occasionally C's, so my goal is to get A-D every contest). I know C++ is the preferred language, but for some reason Java-C++ syntax just throws me off every time, so I'm going to stick with Python (I don't think it matters until a certain point when it gets too slow, but I think CF
I also built my first neural network in Python! It classifies images as either cat or non-cat, up to 70% accuracy (actually it's just logistic regression without a single hidden layer). I've been doing this Deep Learning series on Coursera by deeplearning.ai and Andrew Ng, and I'm almost done with the first course (it's really awesome). Once I introduce hidden layers to built deeper neural nets the accuracy should go up to 80-90% (and I can probably build way cooler stuff than image classifiers), but we'll see.
I also did a lot of reading on the MBTI Personality Test. When I took it last year I got INTP (though my four cognitive functions are all pretty borderline), then got INTJ, and INFP each once this time around. By my understanding INTP are engineers who're good with details, whereas INTJ can understand complex theories and turn them into practical uses (this actually sounds more like me). I would think most AoPSers are INT_'s, though I may be wrong.
Finally, I spent a lot of time just laying around, rapping Kpop, and getting fat. Every person goes through this some time of the year, you know.
So I'm currently in the Bay Area, staying with my mom.I also began participating in a few CodeForces contests, but realized how trash I am at this (handle: shiningsunnyday). A lot to improve on here (after a few rounds now I always get As and B's for Div 2 quickly, and occasionally C's, so my goal is to get A-D every contest). I know C++ is the preferred language, but for some reason Java-C++ syntax just throws me off every time, so I'm going to stick with Python (I don't think it matters until a certain point when it gets too slow, but I think CF
and most problem writers
is decent enough to make sure none of the problems get TLE in each of the languages offered, though I may be wrong).I also built my first neural network in Python! It classifies images as either cat or non-cat, up to 70% accuracy (actually it's just logistic regression without a single hidden layer). I've been doing this Deep Learning series on Coursera by deeplearning.ai and Andrew Ng, and I'm almost done with the first course (it's really awesome). Once I introduce hidden layers to built deeper neural nets the accuracy should go up to 80-90% (and I can probably build way cooler stuff than image classifiers), but we'll see.
I also did a lot of reading on the MBTI Personality Test. When I took it last year I got INTP (though my four cognitive functions are all pretty borderline), then got INTJ, and INFP each once this time around. By my understanding INTP are engineers who're good with details, whereas INTJ can understand complex theories and turn them into practical uses (this actually sounds more like me). I would think most AoPSers are INT_'s, though I may be wrong.
Finally, I spent a lot of time just laying around, rapping Kpop, and getting fat. Every person goes through this some time of the year, you know.
Day 0 consisted of me arriving to see an over-enthusiastic mom giving me a PlayStation 4. Well you see, I haven't touched a single video game since 8th grade as part of my self-contract so I kind of forgot what it feels like lol. I did some analysis on costs and benefits and decided I won't open it until I get back to Shanghai. Next came the 12 books I ordered on things ranging from competitive programming, AI, technology industries, evolutionary biology, behavioral psychology and how to pick up girls.
The next day I went to watch a Warriors game against the Grizzlies which made me realize how un-fun it is to watch modern NBA, compared to just 5 years ago when there was actually defense. Then yesterday we went outlet shopping and I got bought a bunch of clothes, after which we went to a Korean BBQ place and I rage ate 2 kg of beef and pork. I went home, crashed, and slept past when the clock struck 12:00:00 (for all years in recent memory I've made a wish at the right time, and for the most part the wishes have come true; actually, I think I was dreaming of something grandiose, does that count as a wish?). So... here I am at 3 AM in the morning.
ANYWAYS, 2018 is here and it'll be a fun year, and as opposed to listing a million things which I won't complete, here's my goalsThe next day I went to watch a Warriors game against the Grizzlies which made me realize how un-fun it is to watch modern NBA, compared to just 5 years ago when there was actually defense. Then yesterday we went outlet shopping and I got bought a bunch of clothes, after which we went to a Korean BBQ place and I rage ate 2 kg of beef and pork. I went home, crashed, and slept past when the clock struck 12:00:00 (for all years in recent memory I've made a wish at the right time, and for the most part the wishes have come true; actually, I think I was dreaming of something grandiose, does that count as a wish?). So... here I am at 3 AM in the morning.
Pursue hobbies solely for the fun of it
Become knowledgeable
Become good with people
. Finally, to document a lotta the cool academic-related stuff I do from now on (book reviews, python projects, etc.) go check outThis includes but is not limited to:
- Releasing a Kpop rap album cover for GD and send an audition tape to YG Entertainment cause YOLO
- Getting and maintaining a six pack through diet and fitness
- Train a deep neural network that does something really cool and open source it or get it on app store
- Getting to Expert level on CodeForces, Yellow on TopCoder, USACO Platinum
- Participate in Kaggle Contests and try to get to Master level, then use my skills to contribute to something open source like genome sequencing
- Join a legit basketball team/club
Become knowledgeable
- Read one book a week (currently I have 12 books, so this should last until April when I go to college admit weekends)
- Be able to start reading machine learning/deep learning papers and academic papers in general
- [Continue (since I already do this)] reading stuff on Futurism, Quora, Businessinsider, etc., in free time
- [Continue (since I already do this)] taking one online course a month from Coursera (since I already paid annual subscription) or similar platform
Become good with people
- Read books on the art of picking up girls
- Add more mean puns to my collection
- Watch a lot of comedies (they really help)
- Get a GF, not the kind used for counting partitions and also not the kind that's MULTIPLICATIVE (Get it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ok I got more work to do.)
- Learn to party hecka hard but don't do stupid stuff
There's nothing on it right now, but I'm going to post stuff soon. Eventually I'm going to migrate from this blog over, so if you like the stuff I write subscribe/bookmark there!
the website shiningsunnyday.com!Counting down the days, and learning Artificial Intelligence
by shiningsunnyday, Nov 22, 2017, 4:05 PM
So my first college interview was today.
It went okay, I guess - apart from talking about math, I mostly talked about being grateful and AoPS. The only downside was that since I've been feeling a bit weak the past few weeks on the Keto diet, I decided last minute to load up on carbs the day before. Unexpectedly, my body didn't adjust to well and the result was two trips to the bathroom this morning but hopefully the interviewer mistook me sitting on the edge of my seat as being enthusiastic so hopefully all is good.
Anyways, let's talk about school.
School is mostly dull, as is to be expected. In retrospect, I realize that high-intensity math training has made me more inclined to be interested in studying things that deliver a sense of thrill rather than being a well-rounded academic (the kind who strokes his beard and says hmmmm a lot) person, kind of like how a competitive swimmer may find it hard to swim at leisure. My grades apart from English are all A's (though most are borderline), but nevertheless I don't have much motivation to try to hard (talked about this many times on my blog before). In fact, I think I've reached the part where cynicism has been replaced by nonchalance - where I just don't really care but still do it anyways cause whatever.
Having 3 free periods has been sort of a blessing - I've had the chance to sleep in, manage two classes on AI (Machine Learning & Deep Learning and Neural Networks) on Coursera and my university-level online math course, and watch YouTube hours a day. This, I realize, has been really conducive to my creative energies - most nights I put myself to sleep listening to some talk by Elon Musk or some other tech magnate on space exploration, AI, self-driving cars, startups, bitcoin and blockchain, quantum computing, blah blah, and I feel never have I learned so much with such little effort.
I've also gotten a bit into competitive programming (USACO, CodeForces and TopCoder) for fun. I kind of bombed my debuts on the latter two so let's not about that...
Learning about AI has been so fascinating. Though most people envision a future where robots rule the world, we don't realize how prevalent machine learning has already become in our lives. From ads to recommendation systems (music, YouTube, Amazon), Uber, prices, machine learning is really about optimizing algorithms based on past experiences. A Chess-playing AI, for example, functions by associating a probability of winning with each position of the board, so that whatever state the game is in, it evaluate the moves it can make with the highest associated probability of winning. How it does so is complex, but the concept is pretty amazing - essentially, the output (probability) is a function of many factors, such as the level of threat by the queen, how far the game has been played, possible number of attacks. Each in turn is the composition of another layer of data - number of targets the queen can take out, the number of pieces left on the board, other combinations,etc. Basically, we can organize these data into layers of abstraction and show the interdependence of one layer on the other by a neural network until at the bottommost layer we have the input - the current position of the board. Essentially a neural network is represented by a weighted-edge graph, and the edge shows how heavily one factor is dependent on another, such as how much is the level of threat by the queen dependent on the number of pieces in its line of attack. By using supervised learning, we can train the AI over pre-played game move sequences, or better yet, by making it play against itself to optimize its strategy. With data mining (millions of inputted or self-generated data sets), the weight of the edges (and thus the neural network as a whole) adjusts to become the most accurate by the regression to the mean. This is akin to optimizing multivariable functions with partial derivatives, still mostly basic math, which is what I've been exposed to so far.
What I find more interesting is unsupervised learning - the basis behind some recent tech perks like iPhoneX's face recognition. Essentially, an AI is given some examples, and teaches itself to organize, distinguish, and excavate the data that users can make use of. For example, AI can recognize cats from images based on only the pixels of the image - RGB values, or can separate out the singing and non-singing voice from an audio file, recognize spam e-mails from non-spam. A cool article recently shows how an AI can come up with one-sentence descriptions of any image it sees - like "The bright-colored sunflower plant in a garden." Specifically what features the AI does and looks for with the data its given isn't the result of hard-coded algorithms, but, referring to above, neural networks.
There's really infinite applications one can think of, so learning about it has been really fun.
Since I'll have plenty of time in second semester, perhaps I can design a neural network to make a virtual AI girlfriend texting app to keep me company (I'm only half-joking).
Anyhoo, only 12 more days before finals week (the same week early app comes out) when I'll hopefully be done submitting all my apps, then the gooooood life begins.
Anyhow let's finish with a CodeForces I solved but haven't implemented up yet (the sol is different from the official but I proved it works yay):
Solution
It went okay, I guess - apart from talking about math, I mostly talked about being grateful and AoPS. The only downside was that since I've been feeling a bit weak the past few weeks on the Keto diet, I decided last minute to load up on carbs the day before. Unexpectedly, my body didn't adjust to well and the result was two trips to the bathroom this morning but hopefully the interviewer mistook me sitting on the edge of my seat as being enthusiastic so hopefully all is good.
Anyways, let's talk about school.
School is mostly dull, as is to be expected. In retrospect, I realize that high-intensity math training has made me more inclined to be interested in studying things that deliver a sense of thrill rather than being a well-rounded academic (the kind who strokes his beard and says hmmmm a lot) person, kind of like how a competitive swimmer may find it hard to swim at leisure. My grades apart from English are all A's (though most are borderline), but nevertheless I don't have much motivation to try to hard (talked about this many times on my blog before). In fact, I think I've reached the part where cynicism has been replaced by nonchalance - where I just don't really care but still do it anyways cause whatever.
Having 3 free periods has been sort of a blessing - I've had the chance to sleep in, manage two classes on AI (Machine Learning & Deep Learning and Neural Networks) on Coursera and my university-level online math course, and watch YouTube hours a day. This, I realize, has been really conducive to my creative energies - most nights I put myself to sleep listening to some talk by Elon Musk or some other tech magnate on space exploration, AI, self-driving cars, startups, bitcoin and blockchain, quantum computing, blah blah, and I feel never have I learned so much with such little effort.
I've also gotten a bit into competitive programming (USACO, CodeForces and TopCoder) for fun. I kind of bombed my debuts on the latter two so let's not about that...
Learning about AI has been so fascinating. Though most people envision a future where robots rule the world, we don't realize how prevalent machine learning has already become in our lives. From ads to recommendation systems (music, YouTube, Amazon), Uber, prices, machine learning is really about optimizing algorithms based on past experiences. A Chess-playing AI, for example, functions by associating a probability of winning with each position of the board, so that whatever state the game is in, it evaluate the moves it can make with the highest associated probability of winning. How it does so is complex, but the concept is pretty amazing - essentially, the output (probability) is a function of many factors, such as the level of threat by the queen, how far the game has been played, possible number of attacks. Each in turn is the composition of another layer of data - number of targets the queen can take out, the number of pieces left on the board, other combinations,etc. Basically, we can organize these data into layers of abstraction and show the interdependence of one layer on the other by a neural network until at the bottommost layer we have the input - the current position of the board. Essentially a neural network is represented by a weighted-edge graph, and the edge shows how heavily one factor is dependent on another, such as how much is the level of threat by the queen dependent on the number of pieces in its line of attack. By using supervised learning, we can train the AI over pre-played game move sequences, or better yet, by making it play against itself to optimize its strategy. With data mining (millions of inputted or self-generated data sets), the weight of the edges (and thus the neural network as a whole) adjusts to become the most accurate by the regression to the mean. This is akin to optimizing multivariable functions with partial derivatives, still mostly basic math, which is what I've been exposed to so far.
What I find more interesting is unsupervised learning - the basis behind some recent tech perks like iPhoneX's face recognition. Essentially, an AI is given some examples, and teaches itself to organize, distinguish, and excavate the data that users can make use of. For example, AI can recognize cats from images based on only the pixels of the image - RGB values, or can separate out the singing and non-singing voice from an audio file, recognize spam e-mails from non-spam. A cool article recently shows how an AI can come up with one-sentence descriptions of any image it sees - like "The bright-colored sunflower plant in a garden." Specifically what features the AI does and looks for with the data its given isn't the result of hard-coded algorithms, but, referring to above, neural networks.
There's really infinite applications one can think of, so learning about it has been really fun.
Since I'll have plenty of time in second semester, perhaps I can design a neural network to make a virtual AI girlfriend texting app to keep me company (I'm only half-joking).
Anyhoo, only 12 more days before finals week (the same week early app comes out) when I'll hopefully be done submitting all my apps, then the gooooood life begins.
Anyhow let's finish with a CodeForces I solved but haven't implemented up yet (the sol is different from the official but I proved it works yay):
Slightly harder than CodeForces Round 447 Div. 2 C wrote:
In a dream Marco met an elderly man with a pair of black glasses. The man told him the key to immortality and then disappeared with the wind of time.
When he woke up, he only remembered that the key was a sequence of positive integers of some length n, but forgot the exact sequence. Let the elements of the sequence be
He remembered that he calculated
for every
and put it into a set
.
Note that even if a number is put into the set
twice or more, it only appears once in the set.
Now Marco gives you the set
and asks you to help him figure out the initial sequence. If there are many solutions, print any of the smallest of them. It is also possible that there are no sequences that produce the set
, in this case print 
When he woke up, he only remembered that the key was a sequence of positive integers of some length n, but forgot the exact sequence. Let the elements of the sequence be




Note that even if a number is put into the set

Now Marco gives you the set



Solution
First, observe every term
of the initial sequence must be among
else we take
contradiction. If we let
must be in the original set, as otherwise we can't generate it as a gcd. Now let's implement the following algorithm of
steps that checks if each of the remaining
elements of
belong to the original set.
1. At step
, let
and
be the current subset of
that must be in the original set. 
2. Check if among the gcd's of any subset of
one can produce cur. If yes, then
and we can skip cur when we reach its step. If not, then
as otherwise we can't produce cur as a gcd.
3. If cur was added above, then iterate through gcd(cur, subset of original
) and if even one of these elements can't be found among
then this is a contradiction - cur can't be added. Return
Else proceed with 
This produces the shortest possible sequence and proves if there are no such sequences.
But the run time is
at each step which is trash and guaranteed time limit exceeded on CodeForces but hey I'm a mathematician not a programmer.








1. At step





2. Check if among the gcd's of any subset of



3. If cur was added above, then iterate through gcd(cur, subset of original




This produces the shortest possible sequence and proves if there are no such sequences.
But the run time is

This post has been edited 3 times. Last edited by shiningsunnyday, Nov 23, 2017, 1:31 AM
Party optimization problem
by shiningsunnyday, Oct 29, 2017, 5:00 PM
You arrive in a room with
number of girls, with attractiveness
respectively and at locations
Where should you stand to "optimize" your interaction, governed by the heuristic that the distance at which you're likely to stand from a girl is solely dependent on and inversely proportional to her attractiveness?
n=1
n=2
n=3
generalization
also



n=1
Easy, stand on 

n=2
Taking this in one dimension, by the given heuristic,
where
is your distance from girls one and two. By Geo 3 the locus of points is actually the Apollonius Circle but let's restrict this to the line segment connecting the two girls.
If you stand somewhere in the range
we can replace
with
respectively, so we have
which arranges to 
Not surprisingly, we also know this is the answer of using basic physics or center of mass.
![\[\frac{r_1}{r_2} = \frac{A_2}{A_1}\]](http://latex.artofproblemsolving.com/0/6/9/06908fbfed020616b99272f08ff7374b977f4e26.png)

If you stand somewhere in the range



![\[\frac{x-x_1}{x_2-x} = \frac{A_2}{A_1}\]](http://latex.artofproblemsolving.com/1/a/6/1a670f476a305d460bda923b1ee087e6b1a569a4.png)

Not surprisingly, we also know this is the answer of using basic physics or center of mass.
n=3
This is where things get tricky. We would expect the center of mass points idea to generalize, that is, stand on
but consider the case when
We shouldn't expect to closer to one girl than the other, so we stand at a point that's equidistant to each girl, so it's expected we should stand on the circumcenter.
How did this happen!?!?
![\[\left(\frac{x_1A_1+x_2A_2+x_3A_3}{A_1+A_2+A_3}, \frac{y_1A_1+y_2A_2+y_3A_3}{A_1+A_2+A_3} \right)\]](http://latex.artofproblemsolving.com/1/9/4/19428143bf8af4a10fbe708cf3ee6e5a70e8d910.png)

How did this happen!?!?
generalization
So I thought about this for a while. It appears the morally correct location to stand is the circumcenter, but clearly this doesn't generalize for all
The idea is that the locus of points we're allowed to stand on given
is a perpendicular line going through the center of mass of girls one and two. But clearly these three perpendicular lines don't have to intersect.
In the case of
if
this will only work if the polygon is cyclic.
The center of mass formula, though, generalizes to all
, even infinite which we handle with a double integral.
It seems the engineer's answer would be the center of mass, as it seems to make the most sense while being computable every time.
It also backed by the derivation of torque in physics.
The biggest problem it seems with the first approach is that by focusing on two girls at a time, the resulting loci don't intersect. So perhaps we can define some sort of error function that tracks how badly we fail, so to "compromise" would be to minimize this error function. Perhaps we can prove this error function is minimal when we arrive at the center of mass.


In the case of


The center of mass formula, though, generalizes to all

It seems the engineer's answer would be the center of mass, as it seems to make the most sense while being computable every time.
It also backed by the derivation of torque in physics.
The biggest problem it seems with the first approach is that by focusing on two girls at a time, the resulting loci don't intersect. So perhaps we can define some sort of error function that tracks how badly we fail, so to "compromise" would be to minimize this error function. Perhaps we can prove this error function is minimal when we arrive at the center of mass.
also
A perhaps analogous problem is to consider the boy as a proton and the girls as varying electric charges. The problem here is that each charge creates an electric field that affects all the other charges. So suppose we can fix them all in place somehow. However, in this case electric force = electric field x electric charge replaces the formula mass = density x volume when carrying out the calculation.
Perhaps the party boy can look at the movement of the proton for some inspiration?
Perhaps the party boy can look at the movement of the proton for some inspiration?
This post has been edited 1 time. Last edited by shiningsunnyday, Oct 30, 2017, 8:19 AM
Day in life of an aspiring Kpop rapper
by shiningsunnyday, Oct 23, 2017, 2:26 PM
I wake up to the ringtone of Kpop.
I bike to school, my ActiveBuds wireless earphones plugged in and playing Kpop.
I walk into the library tapping my feet to the beats of Fantastic Baby.
I go to the bathroom and take care of some business while listening to Kpop.
During break or free period, I have Kpop as bgm while (trying to) getting work done.
At lunch, I often sit at the lunch table with one ear plugged in, listening to Kpop.
As I walk back to the library, my lips are seen moving to the syllables.
After school, I bike to the gym looking all cool with Kpop.
I work out listening to Kpop, every few beats corresponding to a rep.
I bike to the shop to get some diet coke/salad ingredients while listening to Kpop.
Once I get back, I do math/coding while listening to Kpop.
Then I browse through some articles on artificial intelligence listening to Kpop.
I eat watching Kpop performances.
Then after a while doing homework I'm starving again, so I go to my room, by myself, audio on, "Mike" Drop mode activate. Moving steps, stringing syllables, experimenting with pitches.
An hour later, I'm no longer hungry but exhausted so I find some romanized lyrics site online and spend some time lip syncing to some new songs I can rap.
I might do a quick workout on my yoga mat, the video instructor's voice overridden by Kpop beats.
I bathe listening to Kpop.
I message friends while listening to Kpop.
I listen to it to fall sleep.
Bright lights, spotlight, the sound, the movement, the beat, everything that has came to me in my dreams. Displaying this side of myself, breaking through the austerity of everyday life.
This vision.
It will become a reality.
I bike to school, my ActiveBuds wireless earphones plugged in and playing Kpop.
I walk into the library tapping my feet to the beats of Fantastic Baby.
I go to the bathroom and take care of some business while listening to Kpop.
During break or free period, I have Kpop as bgm while (trying to) getting work done.
At lunch, I often sit at the lunch table with one ear plugged in, listening to Kpop.
As I walk back to the library, my lips are seen moving to the syllables.
After school, I bike to the gym looking all cool with Kpop.
I work out listening to Kpop, every few beats corresponding to a rep.
I bike to the shop to get some diet coke/salad ingredients while listening to Kpop.
Once I get back, I do math/coding while listening to Kpop.
Then I browse through some articles on artificial intelligence listening to Kpop.
I eat watching Kpop performances.
Then after a while doing homework I'm starving again, so I go to my room, by myself, audio on, "Mike" Drop mode activate. Moving steps, stringing syllables, experimenting with pitches.
An hour later, I'm no longer hungry but exhausted so I find some romanized lyrics site online and spend some time lip syncing to some new songs I can rap.
I might do a quick workout on my yoga mat, the video instructor's voice overridden by Kpop beats.
I bathe listening to Kpop.
I message friends while listening to Kpop.
I listen to it to fall sleep.
Bright lights, spotlight, the sound, the movement, the beat, everything that has came to me in my dreams. Displaying this side of myself, breaking through the austerity of everyday life.
This vision.
It will become a reality.
This post has been edited 1 time. Last edited by shiningsunnyday, Oct 23, 2017, 2:27 PM
The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.
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