On the day that history was made at my school, I ought to be joyous.

Throughout the course of the day, I was congratulated by almost every teacher I passed, including the vice principal - news get spread quite quickly at my school. No matter where I was, I always feel a couple of eyes on me - a mixture of warm heartedness, envy, and occasionally contempt. I wasn't sure how to respond, so whenever the subject of USAMO was brought up I gave my default reply: "Thank you." Two acquaintances seemed to forget what my real name was and decided to start calling me by Math God.

It seems that with this achievement comes a certain pair of soles and a silent expectation that I will fill these soles. While I certainly do want to fill these soles (and have for a long time) and be an ambassador of mathematics that many have expected me to be ever since my name began appearing on the daily announcements as winners of the school competitions, another part of me is still the same quiet boy, sitting in the corner of the library browsing AoPS or writing on his blog. It's been a while since I had the mindset to focus wholeheartedly on delving deep to solving Olympiad problems in the ungodliest hours of night like last semester, without having to be distracted by any outside factors or system that I must oblige to be contained by. This version of myself is also one I've come to miss, for as of present, he is chained up.

If I had started out on math younger as opposed to taking my first math contest in freshman year or had grew up in a more surrounding conducive to pursuing my passions, qualifying for USAMO may have only been a starting point for a MOP Dream, or maybe even an IMO Dream.

Unfortunately, it seems that at the present occasion, this is no longer possible with the 5 AP exams I have coming up, the assignments/tests that will determine my GPA (or in the case of my school, my fate), what my counselors call as the "final sprint" for college, as well as the teachers whose trusts I'm trying to fight back.

For the past 2 years, I've discovered it to be my mission to represent the right purpose the right way for my fellow peers at school and on AoPS. It's a pity that pragmatism has consumed my idealism for further individual achievement (aka self-interest), but perhaps it's time to start self-actualizing and start thinking of how I can make my local community a better place next year.