Flec's Guidelines On How To Write A Gud Death Scene
by flec, Mar 13, 2021, 6:21 PM
Henlo, it's flec, and I'll be teaching y'all on how to write a good death scene.
Let's start with a few examples!!
The Death of Sun Stream
Forbidden
So, as you see here, these are all quite descriptive and most likely sad.
Unless you have barely any emotions like me owo.
Anyways, here are a few tips.
1) Be descriptive!
"He died. She cried." This is not descriptive. You need to DESCRIBE HOW he died, and how the others responded! A better example would be, "Blood and life flowed from wounds in his side, and with a last loving look, the life died in his brown eyes."
2) Tears
Blood sweat tears
. Be sure to add a lot of crying, but instead of uncontrollable sobbing, sometimes just a little is fine. Example: "She could not stop a few silvery tear or two from leaking out of her eyes and falling silently down onto his body."
3) DIAGLOGUEEEEE!!
Be sure to add lots of sweet and sappy dialogue. Some good examples are: "I love you." "I'll be here." "We'll always be together." "Say you won't let go."
4) Setting
Describe the setting. The best settings in a death scene are a moon-lit sky or a dark forest.
5) Heartbreak
Be sure to describe heartbreak! Use words like "pain" "broken" and "gone" to add to the sadness. Examples: "Pain shot into her heart like a poisoned arrow." "Her heart seemed to shatter like a window".
6) Metaphors and similes!
These are the best ways to be descriptive and compare things to real situations. Examples: "Her heart was a stone" "Her heart seemed to shatter like a window" "His tears are the stars."
Anyways, that's it, and if you want you can share some below :3
Hope I helped although it's a weird hobby I have lol
Let's start with a few examples!!
The Death of Sun Stream
“Are they safe?” The once piercing blue eyes of Sun Stream were glazed as they stared up desperately at Pine Whisker.
“Yes, my dear,” Pine Whisker whispered; that was the only thing that was right to say.
Sun Stream let out a small sigh of relief, before turning her gaze with effort to Pine Whisker. “I- I love you.”
Pine Whisker could not stop a silvery tear or two from leaking out from his eyes as he stared down at the feeble body of the cat he loved. He loved her with all his heart.
Sun Stream was not done yet, though. “Will you love me, too? Even when I’m gone?”
At those words, Pine Whisker’s eyes flooded with all of the tears in the world. “Yes.” His mew cracked. “I’d love you even through death.”
Sun Stream broke into a loud purr, despite all of the blood, life, and spirit flowing out through her wounds. Gradually her purr disappeared, and once again her milky blue eyes opened. “Remember that.”
Pine Whisker prodded her with his paws desperately, but it was too late. With a little sigh, Sun Stream surrendered her only life, her only connection with Pine Whisker. Her eyes still gazed lovingly at him, and a breeze blew across the clearing, making it look like she was still alive and breathing.
But she wasn’t. She was gone.
Blood surrounded her body, but this wasn’t just blood, it was her blood, and it was precious. Blood she’d lost to save him and their only daughter.
“Stay with me,” Pine Whisker begged. “Please no, don’t let go.”
Pine Whisker knew, though. That no matter how much he’d beg, she had already crossed the line from life to death. Realizing this, Pine Whisker could not cry enough as all the tears that he had flowed out rapidly, perhaps even faster than Sun Stream’s own blood had flowed.
The moon finally inched its way up the navy-blue sky. Stars shone down Pine Whisker and his dead mate, as if telling him, “it’s alright, it’s alright.” A cool breeze prickled his fur and his mate’s fur, and the moon shined brightly.
Just like any other day. But it wasn’t any other day.
“Yes, my dear,” Pine Whisker whispered; that was the only thing that was right to say.
Sun Stream let out a small sigh of relief, before turning her gaze with effort to Pine Whisker. “I- I love you.”
Pine Whisker could not stop a silvery tear or two from leaking out from his eyes as he stared down at the feeble body of the cat he loved. He loved her with all his heart.
Sun Stream was not done yet, though. “Will you love me, too? Even when I’m gone?”
At those words, Pine Whisker’s eyes flooded with all of the tears in the world. “Yes.” His mew cracked. “I’d love you even through death.”
Sun Stream broke into a loud purr, despite all of the blood, life, and spirit flowing out through her wounds. Gradually her purr disappeared, and once again her milky blue eyes opened. “Remember that.”
Pine Whisker prodded her with his paws desperately, but it was too late. With a little sigh, Sun Stream surrendered her only life, her only connection with Pine Whisker. Her eyes still gazed lovingly at him, and a breeze blew across the clearing, making it look like she was still alive and breathing.
But she wasn’t. She was gone.
Blood surrounded her body, but this wasn’t just blood, it was her blood, and it was precious. Blood she’d lost to save him and their only daughter.
“Stay with me,” Pine Whisker begged. “Please no, don’t let go.”
Pine Whisker knew, though. That no matter how much he’d beg, she had already crossed the line from life to death. Realizing this, Pine Whisker could not cry enough as all the tears that he had flowed out rapidly, perhaps even faster than Sun Stream’s own blood had flowed.
The moon finally inched its way up the navy-blue sky. Stars shone down Pine Whisker and his dead mate, as if telling him, “it’s alright, it’s alright.” A cool breeze prickled his fur and his mate’s fur, and the moon shined brightly.
Just like any other day. But it wasn’t any other day.
Forbidden
“I love you.” The words were whispered quietly, but it made no difference to River’s heart. It beat quickly and happily, but also with excitement and fear. Finally, it was said. He knew for sure now that she loved him back. Dearly.
His heart skipped a beat once more as Night Flower turned her gaze away, her blue eyes glistening. “It doesn’t matter to the Clans,” she whispered. “It doesn’t matter how we feel.”
“We can be together,” River mewed desperately. “I can’t bear anything without you.”
“Neither can I.”
The two stared lovingly at each other, eyes glistening and tails twined. Brushing himself against her pale gray fur, River looked at Night Flower, locking his gaze in hers. “We’re staying,” he whispered. “No matter what the Clans say, I can’t bear to let you go.”
Night Flower’s eyes glistened with emotion and happiness, and at that moment, he knew she felt the same way. A single tear trickled down her cheek and fell silently to the earth, and the two embraced.
***
“Night Flower!” River’s words were lost in the sound of the battle raging around him. “Night Flower!” His desperate wail and yearning for her was quickly ripped away as claws digged into his scruff and tail.
Hopelessly, River slashed back with his claws, but he restrained himself from inflicting too many injuries: This was Night Flower’s Clanmate. He couldn’t bear to hurt one she might’ve cared for.
River gazed around once again, ignoring the blood that was pumping out of his tail. He had to find Night Flower.
Finally, after what seemed like so many heartbeats, he saw a flash of gray fur. Covered in red.
“Night Flower!” With a yowl of fury that Wolverine would’ve been proud of, River launched himself on Night Flower’s attacker and ripped away fur. The amber eyes of his attacker stared back in horror. With a shock, he realized it was his former mentor, but there was no time to explain now.
Even as blood flowed from wounds all over his body, and pain seemed to take him over at any second, he ran towards Night Flower and helped her up.
Night Flower’s eyes reflected the moon, and quietly they sprinted across the clearing, out of the battle, and into the forest. The Clans couldn’t hurt them anymore.
But only then River realized the blood that was pouring out of him, too much at a time, and too much to ever stop. With a look of sorrow and anguish, the life died out of River’s eyes as he quietly left the world and found his way into StarClan. “I love you,” he whispered.
And that was the last thing he said.
****
Night Flower trudged home, tears still streaming from her eyes. All she could think about was River, still lying beneath the cold earth all alone.
“Oh, River, what have you done?” she murmured. Her tears splattered onto the ground and soaked the earth as her mew rose into a wail. “I loved you! I should be the one lying in the ground. I even left you alone, and you hate being alone.”
Collapsing onto the ground, she clawed the trees and ground until her claws were almost broken. But it didn’t matter to Night Flower. She looked up to the stars, begging for him to see her.
Her shoulders shook with every sob, and her energy flowed out of her as she realized that she wouldn’t meet her dear River ever again. Pain shot into her heart like a poisoned arrow.
It wouldn’t go away. It wouldn’t stop.
Shakily and still covered with River’s own blood, she silently grabbed the red berries from the tree - the berries that were covered in poison.
And with a small sigh, barely audible, she put them into her mouth, chewed, and collapsed; this time when she looked up, the life in her eyes gone.
But now, they’d be together. Even if their bodies were far apart, and their living spirits broken.
His heart skipped a beat once more as Night Flower turned her gaze away, her blue eyes glistening. “It doesn’t matter to the Clans,” she whispered. “It doesn’t matter how we feel.”
“We can be together,” River mewed desperately. “I can’t bear anything without you.”
“Neither can I.”
The two stared lovingly at each other, eyes glistening and tails twined. Brushing himself against her pale gray fur, River looked at Night Flower, locking his gaze in hers. “We’re staying,” he whispered. “No matter what the Clans say, I can’t bear to let you go.”
Night Flower’s eyes glistened with emotion and happiness, and at that moment, he knew she felt the same way. A single tear trickled down her cheek and fell silently to the earth, and the two embraced.
***
“Night Flower!” River’s words were lost in the sound of the battle raging around him. “Night Flower!” His desperate wail and yearning for her was quickly ripped away as claws digged into his scruff and tail.
Hopelessly, River slashed back with his claws, but he restrained himself from inflicting too many injuries: This was Night Flower’s Clanmate. He couldn’t bear to hurt one she might’ve cared for.
River gazed around once again, ignoring the blood that was pumping out of his tail. He had to find Night Flower.
Finally, after what seemed like so many heartbeats, he saw a flash of gray fur. Covered in red.
“Night Flower!” With a yowl of fury that Wolverine would’ve been proud of, River launched himself on Night Flower’s attacker and ripped away fur. The amber eyes of his attacker stared back in horror. With a shock, he realized it was his former mentor, but there was no time to explain now.
Even as blood flowed from wounds all over his body, and pain seemed to take him over at any second, he ran towards Night Flower and helped her up.
Night Flower’s eyes reflected the moon, and quietly they sprinted across the clearing, out of the battle, and into the forest. The Clans couldn’t hurt them anymore.
But only then River realized the blood that was pouring out of him, too much at a time, and too much to ever stop. With a look of sorrow and anguish, the life died out of River’s eyes as he quietly left the world and found his way into StarClan. “I love you,” he whispered.
And that was the last thing he said.
****
Night Flower trudged home, tears still streaming from her eyes. All she could think about was River, still lying beneath the cold earth all alone.
“Oh, River, what have you done?” she murmured. Her tears splattered onto the ground and soaked the earth as her mew rose into a wail. “I loved you! I should be the one lying in the ground. I even left you alone, and you hate being alone.”
Collapsing onto the ground, she clawed the trees and ground until her claws were almost broken. But it didn’t matter to Night Flower. She looked up to the stars, begging for him to see her.
Her shoulders shook with every sob, and her energy flowed out of her as she realized that she wouldn’t meet her dear River ever again. Pain shot into her heart like a poisoned arrow.
It wouldn’t go away. It wouldn’t stop.
Shakily and still covered with River’s own blood, she silently grabbed the red berries from the tree - the berries that were covered in poison.
And with a small sigh, barely audible, she put them into her mouth, chewed, and collapsed; this time when she looked up, the life in her eyes gone.
But now, they’d be together. Even if their bodies were far apart, and their living spirits broken.
So, as you see here, these are all quite descriptive and most likely sad.
Unless you have barely any emotions like me owo.
Anyways, here are a few tips.
1) Be descriptive!
"He died. She cried." This is not descriptive. You need to DESCRIBE HOW he died, and how the others responded! A better example would be, "Blood and life flowed from wounds in his side, and with a last loving look, the life died in his brown eyes."
2) Tears
Blood sweat tears

3) DIAGLOGUEEEEE!!
Be sure to add lots of sweet and sappy dialogue. Some good examples are: "I love you." "I'll be here." "We'll always be together." "Say you won't let go."
4) Setting
Describe the setting. The best settings in a death scene are a moon-lit sky or a dark forest.
5) Heartbreak
Be sure to describe heartbreak! Use words like "pain" "broken" and "gone" to add to the sadness. Examples: "Pain shot into her heart like a poisoned arrow." "Her heart seemed to shatter like a window".
6) Metaphors and similes!
These are the best ways to be descriptive and compare things to real situations. Examples: "Her heart was a stone" "Her heart seemed to shatter like a window" "His tears are the stars."
Anyways, that's it, and if you want you can share some below :3
Hope I helped although it's a weird hobby I have lol
This post has been edited 2 times. Last edited by flec, Jul 27, 2023, 12:21 PM