how would it feel knowing that you were going to die in twenty-three hours?
book review on the book "they both die at the end" by adam silvera
tear jerker, romance, makes you think a lot

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basic summary/blurb, along with my philosophical (?) thoughts in the end:

so this book is basically about a world where you get a call a day before your death that you're going to die and that you should live your last day well. mateo and rufus both get the call and find each other on the last friend app, which allows people who are going to die to find a last friend.

SPOILER: read down if you're either not going to read the book (big mistake) or if you already read it
they end up falling in love and, as the title suggests, they both die. this isn't really a spoiler because well, everything already spoiled it but it's still really sad and i cried, multiple times, not even at their deaths just because the process of them making memories was so beautiful and it's really a friendship i would crave for and still crave for.

i think it would be very different to find a friend who's dying like you, live one day with them, and die together. it would be different than hanging out with lifelong friends who you'll be leaving.

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this book made me think about whether or not it would be good to have a system like in the book, where someone calls you right before you die. would i want to know if i was going to die that day or no?

after a lot of thinking, i think i would like to know the day i die, because i would fear but i wouldn't have anything to fear anymore. i think it would be so sad to die without doing all the things you wanted to do but couldn't. if you knew the end was coming, nothin would be stopping you, and i think i would get to finally be myself in those last hours. i might be held back by the fear that any thing might kill me, but in the end, nothing wuold hold me back.

i would confess to my crush
i would leave out little letters for the people i cared about but never got a chance to
i would go on the last friends app and i would find a friend i could talk to, share my life with, tell my stories because i haven't had anyone to do that with yet
i want someone who i can meet up with, someone who can call me by my name, someone who will get to know me and my true character, which even i don't know right now because i don't know when i'm going to die.

it sucks having to fear every minute, but if i knew i was going to die, i would go all out, and i would really like it if they would give me a call. rather than finding myself in some nothingness and thinking about everything i should've done and how i couldn't do it.

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anyways i think i would obviously be more of a mateo if i had to die, i would have no reason to be stingy with my money, i would be relieved but still be crying, freaking out, and have my heart broken every time i had to tell my friend, and honestly i would even try to hide it like he did because i would be so scared of my friends' reactions but near the end, i think i really feel rufus, too, and think that his original personality is still well-showing of the warmth he really has.

dang, this was good. i had tears in my eyes for half of the story, and this kind of book is one that really makes me want to write and makes me feel like this world isn't enough, it's not good enough