(along with a little poll) here's my story, and here's my take on finally pursuing what i've tried to for many years -- completing a whole set of writing, a portfolio, not quite a book but something that goes with a flow and has a definite end (but also not an end, because i like stories where you can interpret the ending, a story that leaves you thinking and not just be like "oh that was pretty good")

i know usually i write a LOT for my entries and don't really care if you skim through them because the writing process is for me, but i would really appreciate it if you read this to the end.

continuing with my experience with writing full novels, i failed for many many years because i never had enough motivation to finish something. most of the time i was writing, i was trying for a book, because i've read so many books that left a mark on me and i wanted to do the same.

but then it struck me, as for the 100th time i was like, "flec, if you can't stick to something well enough to make it a book, why not do what you do best--short stories? after all, short stories stuck together can be a book, right?"

that was my aha moment!

so as a final project, i decided to write 20 short stories about the same topic and put them together to make a little booklet. i will probably stick to the topic of "what happens when you die/how do you die in the future/how might dying be like/what's living like/what's the impossible" because i've read/been reading a lot of books like that lately, such as they both die at the end, three days of happiness (currently reading, thank you mathleticguyyy for recommending it to me because i am already in tears on how pretty it is), siddhartha, bridge to terabithia, and scythe.

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all of the projects i did and did not succeed in to reflect on myself after this is over
pooper penguin (2017-2019) - this was actually one of my most successive pieces of writing as i was very recognized (both by my peers and my teachers) for this writing. i completed four total pooper penguin books, each of which was around 50 google-doc pages long (although most of them were "AHHH" or "BLAP" or "SCERAM" in 80 font). although this would technically count as a definite end, i'm still not satisfied because pooper penguin never ended. he would either turn into a lizard or fail in trying to rizz up the love of his life and it would be "what happens next" at the end, and after the fourth i matured and never wrote in it again.

cat the chicken (2019) - was a five-paged short story i entered for my friend's writing competition, which i got second place in because i was her second favourite. i considered this a book back then, but i think it is too short to be one.

the perfect city (2021) - was a short story narrative project i did for school then considered finishing it as an official book, but gave up after around six chapters because i didn't know how to progress into a dramatic scene. overly dramatic scenes aren't and will probably never be my biggest strengths because i've simply lacked the emotions that are involved in such and also don't have any creative ideas that haven't been done before.

hero (2021) - was about a ten-year-old girl's cat. this was the farthest i ever went in a book, but i lacked the knowledge to write much about the topic and gave up, though i did a good job writing the ending first.

not roseanne (2021) - was a book about a girl who betrays her best friend and her best friend later gets sick and dies. depressing. also never finished this, but went far (around 30 pages)

"i never named this" (2022) - was a book i started with icy but also never finished. it would have been very interesting and definitely has parts that i could take out and reuse because honestly, i poured my heart into that until i realized i really didn't have anymore ideas.

"angel's remedy" (2023) - was too cringe and too unjustified and too cliche for me and after awhile i chose to discontinue it. it is the only book i do not come back to and take from.

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so, flec, what's your idea on this short story thing that will be put together into a booklet?
i chose a topic that can go many ways. there are so, so many perspectives and so many ways a piece can go. i took my experiences from reading the books and decided to jot down a list of questions in my head so i can answer them in this book.

for example, when i was reading they both die at the end, i couldn't help but wonder how death-cast knew that they were going to unexpectedly die on that very day, or what decided to kill them. for example, mateo and rufus encountered many near-death situations, but i couldn't understand why it was the ultimate [insert spoiler] that killed them both in the end. rufus's ending also had me wondering, because i wondered if he wasn't so stricken by mateo, the accident count have been avoided.

additionally, three days of happiness had me wondering. who was this miyagi, and why was she given the job to watch over the main character? why is this a rule? is there anything deep to it, or is it just simply to satisfy him when his end is coming? also, why would the kusunoki choose to only leave 3 months? why would he choose to expect his death, and i haven't yet gotten his backstory and how his life just fell apart. i want to know more.

maybe with these questions i can choose a different yet same topic to write about each time, and maybe that will keep me going a little longer. maybe one day i can write a short backstory, and another day i can write an exciting, thought-triggering, intriguing scene about what happens after it's the end. maybe it will work out better now that i can have a change instead of sticking to just one. maybe it'll manipulate my brain out of its writer's block and just let things flow, because i have so many thoughts that i wish i could put into words for others to see, but most importantly, for me to see.

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the final idea is a merge of many books on death i have read along with my own philosophies to answer the questions i had on the endings of those books. i probably want to write about a character who's job is sort of like migayi's of three day's of happiness (though her job isn't specified yet) and to comfort people who have been notified of death (not sure about this part yet) (they both die at the end OR the other idea is that only the protagonist knows they will die and doesn't tell the person. sort of like scythe, except that the protagonist doesn't tell the person that they will die. however, here's a twist, because all of these novels never answered the questions of HOW and WHY and WHAT and only WHERE and WHO, i decided to answer the HOW and decided that this protagonist will comfort the person of death, then murder them. it won't be some disaster or car accident or illness that ends the person in the end, it will be this protagonist.

you might be thinking "huh isn't this basically scythe?" but no. for one, people won't know that this person exists, unlike the world in scythe where everyone knows about scythe and fears their encounters because they already know that if they find a scythe in the house someone will be dying. also, this person won't be doing simple comforting or something. they will just approach as a friend, nothing special, nothing to learn. it will be a mystery.

i dont know how the story will progress. maybe some dude will discover the protagonist trying to kill them, and he will be forced to explain. maybe the protagonist breaks down like in crime and punishment and be replaced by another with the same job and will have to face death himself at the end. i don't know. i want to make it more original, and i'm definitely working on just taking small mysteries and solving them for my own.

it would help to hear which of these ideas would be most interesting to you, whether someone will discover (insert romantic scene) or whether they will be replaced (less romantic approach).

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this idea of writing about this kind of thing, yk death, murder, and fear, may make me seem kind of psychotic. i promise i'm not like that. i'm just a person who thinks a lot, maybe more than normal, but that i'll never know. i do know that the things i think about are what i can't answer, because i think it's pointless to think about what you're going to have for lunch tomorrow when you're obviously going to have something for lunch tomorrow. i love a lot, and maybe this might help me ease my fear of death, just like how religious people are less likely to fear the afterlife, or whatever.

thanks for all the support everyone has shown whether i ended up finishing something or not. i truly truly hope i will be able to stick to this because it's really my dream to have something polished to share and to meet people who might think like i do. like i do conclude on all of these writing posts because this indeed is a public blog now, idea stealing is not cool. there's a difference between being inspired by something and stealing it completely. ex i would love to read what you write about your take on death, just like how i'm doing with the books i've read, but writing a book with the same plot i just shared would result in a raised eyebrow. maybe something more, because i'm protective as hell over my writing and even my own thoughts, and it sucks to see something taken. yeah.

it's beautiful to be inspired by your favourite books, the books that made you think the most, and get to write from there. to gather those questions, and answer them in your own little story. i think that everyone has a story.

and noozie? happy birthday. sorry i was a little late, but i love you.