happy almost end of 8th grade for me ;; heres a little storytelling ig
DISCLAIMER: ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE IRL PEOPLE!!!!! dont worry that ur on here just because we dont talk anymore as much, you're not none of my irl friends that i know of use aops, so its not you unless an irl friend magically makes an aops acount + acquires access to this private blog that i'm the only admin of
anyways all of this is eyeballrolling melodrama so beware
for me, everyone is and stays my friend unless something happens that proves that, well, we're not friends anymore
fake names for everyone ofc, and even if you're on here, please dont mention it. if you want to talk about it, you can pm me, but if its about a fight i have a strong opinion about, it probably won't change, so please don't.
the image of you in my mind is most likely very different from the actual image of you, so don't take it to heart. thats why i'm using fake names--its probably not an accurate representation of you, which is why it deserves to be fictional

one person i'll call sarah
sarah and i are still friends, just not best friends anymore
so basically remember when i told you guys about gina? the girl that stole the person i like whose a pickme and used everyone and stuff ykyk
so gina's best friend was sarah, and gina, sarah, me, and this one other girl i'm still best friends with was our friend group
then a lot of drama happened ig
sarah used to be a very insecure person
because she was bullied a lot in elementary school and had behavioral disabilities growing up, she was very distrusting of everyone and very sensitive
we had a very stable friendship until when she began to lose trust of me
one example is when we were talking about our mbti types, and she was unsure about hers
i thought was this other type, and she said so, then she told gina behind my back that she thought i only said it to make her feel bad, because this type i suggested was apparently a common type
she also wore some makeup, and when i would point it out and say "i love your glitter" or whatever she would misinterpret it and think i was mocking her
which i wasn't, but she had gone through this type of stuff so many times that she learned to spot it even if it was genuine

so long story short i found out she had been talking about this stuff behind my back from gina, and got pretty pissed off because i had not meant it that way
and then i made a blunder and began dismissing her and ignoring her, which i honestly feel really bad about now
one day she confronted me about me ghosting her and i told her why, then she DENIED EVERYTHING which pissed me off even more, and we kind of werent friends anymore. then we made up, i apologized for ignoring her and she apologized for what she did, etc
then she and gina had a huge fight and our entire friend group kinda broke up
we still talk sometimes, we're just now part of different friend groups
in the end i think her new friend group makes her very happy and i think she's grown up a lot
i'm really happy for her and although we're not as close we used to be, i think we both have better friends now and am glad she found people who love her for who she is

next girl, who we'll call sam
so i told you that sarah was bullied in elementary, right?
well, sam is the girl that bullied her
sam and i used to be friends, but she was always a little jealous about the fact that i received a lot of attention in elementary school for my academics and stuff
one instance i still remember really well was in elementary school:

me: something about us being friends
sam: if we knew each other a little longer, i think we'd be best friends!!
me: yeah, maybe if we knew each other a little longer
sam: and maybe if you were a little less smart

although this irritated me a little bit (broo i still remember it!!), we didn't have any problem together until like idek middle school
people get sensitive in middle school obviously right? well, boyyyyyyyyyyyy she got supppppepeppeprerpeprpereprpepr sensitive
i remember once that her friend was gushing about how she looked like this kpop idol and we were all talking bout that stuff
and i asked what kpop idol do i look like
and they talked behind my back and said that i was jealous of her looks
back then i was a very passive person that did a really terrible job of defending myself ughh
so my response when i found out was like
"n-n-no i didn't m-mean it that way"
when i shouldve said
"no, i'm not, and i dont like the fact that you keep making stuff up about me so hey lets not assume stuff about other people?? LIKE I SWEAR TO H-"
okay maybe not that last part haha but you get the idea

also my friend and i were joking about pick me girls or whatever and saying stuff like
"ww-w-w--w-w-would you be my gf"
"i-ii-i-i-i--i-i-i- LOVE YOU"
and all that funny cringe stuff everyone does in ms
then sam just walked in and was like "this is so disrespectful to people who actually have stutters its utterly inappropriate blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
and of course, instead of saying "hey, everybody stutters sometimes and although i'm sorry that we offended you, its completely a joke and i dont think its inappropriate as we're not using derogatory terms to describe them" or something less formal
i was like "oh.... i'm really sorry ): ):"

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUU comment cookie if u read this
i think its this passive stuff that made her keep doing this to me
anyways ik its little and u think i'm overreacting, but it was more like every single day so
it got to the point where i felt like i had to watch what i say in front of her, and if a friend ever makes you uncomfortable like this guys probably not a frienddddd soooo yeahhhhhhhh watch out for signs

anyways the breaking point was when my other friend and i, who was also experiencing the same thing thought she was going through a hard time or whatever and tried to loosen things up by writing a joke fanfic, but by then apparently she already hated me and didn't accept it as a joke
this was completely my fault and tbhh i feel really really bad about this. genuinely. blunder
but when things took a turn for the worse was when me and my friend both apologized and said we didn't mean it that way, that we meant it as a joke, when she started spreading rumors about us saying we faked an apology and that we wrote it in secret due to being obsessed with her but got caught
which was not true
the truth was that we had tried to joke around and then show it to her, but she got angry when she saw it
i felt terrible about it up until this point but here i just kinda lost it and got really mad
i didn't show it though because omfg young me sucks butt
i just kept on apologizing
she made me apologize in front of both of our friend groups combined which is only because she wanted to establish dominance over me and humiliate me and let everyone know that her rumors were "true", of course, but i did it anyway, because i felt so terrible, but now that i think about it, i should've crossed a line between an apology and something that u do just to use others

we dont really talk anymore after that
we're not cool, i dont think so really
i wanted to forgive her for a long time but after everything i'm kind of having trouble
there are a lot of things i feel really bad about and ofc is my fault, but because she insists EVERYTHING was my fault, which is wasnt, i genuinely think she has no remorse for some of the things she did and i'm not ready to talk to someone who thinks i'm a monster who ruined her life at one point.
also she got really mean this year and theres always drama in her fg which i dont want to be a part of.
i dont want to talk to people that just talk crap about people every day yk
apparently sam still talks crap about me to this very day
and it's been well over a year..

anyways this is it ;; i have i think 2 more situations i want to talk about but its getting a little long so i'm going to end it here. a taaaad bit long haha
this is just to share my experience. i've really learned a lot since then and if i could relive these friendships with sarah and sam again, i genuinely think i would've done better. genuinely. but of course, the past is the past, and we can't change that, only the present. i try to be passive still, but just not as passive as i was. lifes about learning really. u'll have ur share of mistakes but you'll use those shares of mistakes to make less mistakes

happy reading!!
--flec