sometimes it hurts when they are not perfect
by flec, May 31, 2024, 3:09 AM
the first time i was vulnerable to my friends ; told them what i still hurt about
i don't think any aopsers rly know about this either because nobody did
its just something i don't talk about
but i chose to tell my friends after our discussion
my friends were talking about mother teresa and how she's such a saint and i told them that most of her actions were arguably led by the motive of converting others, and how i thought that wasn't so good
even after knowing that, my friends continued to praise her and insisted that its normal for the human mind to do good things for their own good
which i guess is right, but still kind of hurt me that they thought that way because thats rly against my motives
this is kinda for another time, but i really believe in helping others because you care about them
helping people isn't 100% for feeling good. helping others hurts a lot, because for me, i feel what they feel and sometimes i make no progress, and that can really hurt me
the fact that they dismissed all of that saying its "normal" and "human-winded" kind of didn't sit right w me
it got kind of the next level though when we moved on to talking about other stuff
i think it was regarding the topic of empathy
i said the movie inside out rly made me sad because i really related to her, being an only child who changed environments
my friends asked why i related to her, saying that i've never moved before
i said yes but i went through big changes in my life like riley
some background info
anyways, reading that context, when i finally told my friends i had gone through a change like riley because i felt like i lost my sibling/best friend in my life, they immediately started jumping on me and saying "i shouldn't say that" "you don't have a sibling you can't say that" "you can't say "lost" unless they've died" and honestly i don't know if i was in the wrong or not but that rly upset me yk
i guess its easy for them to think i don't know what its like to have a sibling but they always insist i haven't because hes not biologically my brother, but it rly doesn't matter if you ask me you know
when i tried to tell them why i felt like i lost him, they responded w
"o they changed? you did too. you grew XD"
you feel me?
they were also js laughing their way through whenever i was tryna talk about my feelings and it kinda hurt in a way
i never told anyone any of this before and i felt like they invalidated my feelings you know
it kinda feels bittersweet when they talk about their siblings and go "you don't know you're js a lil only child" and whenever i say that i had someone like a brother to me for over half of my life they always say "it doesn't count" and stuff like yea ig
in a way, i think my relationship w my cousin has rly shaped me and who i am
i'm a lot more lonely, but in a way, i think i've learned to understand people more, give advice more
i've had some people tell me i give off older sis vibes which is funny because i was like the younger sis my whole life w the older brother hahah
i had the rebellious side and the side that wants to do crazy things and the side that wants to protect the people i care about in my life and i think this is what shaped me
i hope one day they can understand because even when you know they don't mean to, it hurts when you have to keep things to yourself because you know they'd never understand
5/30/2024
i don't think any aopsers rly know about this either because nobody did
its just something i don't talk about
but i chose to tell my friends after our discussion
my friends were talking about mother teresa and how she's such a saint and i told them that most of her actions were arguably led by the motive of converting others, and how i thought that wasn't so good
even after knowing that, my friends continued to praise her and insisted that its normal for the human mind to do good things for their own good
which i guess is right, but still kind of hurt me that they thought that way because thats rly against my motives
this is kinda for another time, but i really believe in helping others because you care about them
helping people isn't 100% for feeling good. helping others hurts a lot, because for me, i feel what they feel and sometimes i make no progress, and that can really hurt me
the fact that they dismissed all of that saying its "normal" and "human-winded" kind of didn't sit right w me
it got kind of the next level though when we moved on to talking about other stuff
i think it was regarding the topic of empathy
i said the movie inside out rly made me sad because i really related to her, being an only child who changed environments
my friends asked why i related to her, saying that i've never moved before
i said yes but i went through big changes in my life like riley
some background info
i used to live w my mom, dad, cousin, aunt, and grandma all together in my house in america
my cousin was like my brother
i thought he was my brother for years
we would prank our parents together
we would break rules together
we would watch cartoons and make stories and draw
we even had our own world we made together where he was the king and i was the queen and all that corny stuff that seemed so real to us
we had the best bond ever
one day they moved back to korea and i was left alone w my mom and dad only
when i tell you that really hurt, i tell you because honestly it felt like losing a sibling i was close with you know
i really did everything w him, and he was like my lil body guard whenever my parents would get mad at me or vice versa
its really hard to adjust as an only child, even now, because i was so used to having that connection in my life that i really still long for. it genuinely felt like losing someone to me because the next time i saw him and even now, he's now a young man who's matured and would rather talk to my parents over do the things we used to do, and if he does talk to me its about college and my future and some academic stuff i couldn't care less about. he grewup, i haven't yet.
my cousin was like my brother
i thought he was my brother for years
we would prank our parents together
we would break rules together
we would watch cartoons and make stories and draw
we even had our own world we made together where he was the king and i was the queen and all that corny stuff that seemed so real to us
we had the best bond ever
one day they moved back to korea and i was left alone w my mom and dad only
when i tell you that really hurt, i tell you because honestly it felt like losing a sibling i was close with you know
i really did everything w him, and he was like my lil body guard whenever my parents would get mad at me or vice versa
its really hard to adjust as an only child, even now, because i was so used to having that connection in my life that i really still long for. it genuinely felt like losing someone to me because the next time i saw him and even now, he's now a young man who's matured and would rather talk to my parents over do the things we used to do, and if he does talk to me its about college and my future and some academic stuff i couldn't care less about. he grewup, i haven't yet.
anyways, reading that context, when i finally told my friends i had gone through a change like riley because i felt like i lost my sibling/best friend in my life, they immediately started jumping on me and saying "i shouldn't say that" "you don't have a sibling you can't say that" "you can't say "lost" unless they've died" and honestly i don't know if i was in the wrong or not but that rly upset me yk
i guess its easy for them to think i don't know what its like to have a sibling but they always insist i haven't because hes not biologically my brother, but it rly doesn't matter if you ask me you know
when i tried to tell them why i felt like i lost him, they responded w
"o they changed? you did too. you grew XD"
you feel me?
they were also js laughing their way through whenever i was tryna talk about my feelings and it kinda hurt in a way
i never told anyone any of this before and i felt like they invalidated my feelings you know
it kinda feels bittersweet when they talk about their siblings and go "you don't know you're js a lil only child" and whenever i say that i had someone like a brother to me for over half of my life they always say "it doesn't count" and stuff like yea ig
in a way, i think my relationship w my cousin has rly shaped me and who i am
i'm a lot more lonely, but in a way, i think i've learned to understand people more, give advice more
i've had some people tell me i give off older sis vibes which is funny because i was like the younger sis my whole life w the older brother hahah
i had the rebellious side and the side that wants to do crazy things and the side that wants to protect the people i care about in my life and i think this is what shaped me
i hope one day they can understand because even when you know they don't mean to, it hurts when you have to keep things to yourself because you know they'd never understand
5/30/2024
This post has been edited 2 times. Last edited by flec, May 31, 2024, 3:14 AM
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