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before i do anything, i'm going to just snatch the 1 million dollars from the snail and sprint. it's not like it can catch me anyways. even if it's super smart and will invent a jetpack or something, i have money and i can hire a private jet too.
now going onto the solutions:

1 - build a bunk bed
according to my smart research, even if the snail found me while i'm sleeping, they would have to climb all the way up the bed to touch me. this would take them at least a few hours, which would let me wake up and see the snail and obviously sprint. easy solution that buys me more time.
if you're curious on how i would get the bunk bed because i'm obviously broke rn, i get 1 million dollars. i'm rich now

2 - get a jar, put coffee in it, and put it on the top of mount everest
coffee ground is apparently toxic to snails. by trapping it in a jar, it would be unable to escape the coffee. even if the snail is super intelligent, it can't do things outside its physical ability, which means that the snail won't be able to unscrew the jar (it has no thumbs ;; besides it's inside it) and if i casually climb mount everest or ask someone to climb it for me since i'm rich and put the snail there, it would 1) freeze, and even if it doesn't die, it won't be able to move, or 2) just be trapped there, or 3) take a billion years to climb all the way down. either way, i'll be able to live a lot without being bothered.

3 - hire someone to keep watch on the snail via security cameras
if i always know where the snail is, it would be pretty easy to run away. nowadays, there are security cameras everywhere. so if i hire people to keep watch on the snail for me, i would know its location at all times.
of course having an individual tracker would be easy, but because it's super intelligent, it might be able to get the cctv/tracker off and pass it to something else like another snail or crap. that could be dangerous.
also, what i'm going to do is, since i die if i touch the snail, hire someone to spray paint the snail's shell bright orange or something in a permanent color. if the super smart snail invents a chemical or something to get rid of it, since we have the tracker on it, we can easily locate it and spray paint it again. we can keep inventing stuff that's immune to the chemical or whatev since we're rich. we can hire someone to analyze the chemical that the super smart snail invents too.

what if i go broke? it's fine. i can go work or something and get more money to pay the people climbing mount everest yk. besides, two million dollars will last pretty long.

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okay, but i don't want to live forever. .

I DONT WANNA LIVE FOREVER CAUSE IK I'LL BE LIVING IN VAIN

. now what do i do?

that's easy. since we already have the tracker/security cameras on the snail, we can find it wherever it is. if it's on the top of mount everest, i can just hire someone to fly a helicopter to the top and drop me off, and i can casually unscrew the jar, stick my hand it in, and slap the snail rly hard and my dreams come true. the snail is smart, right? but if it doesn't know that it's being stalked, there's no way that it could do anything about it.

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so this is how i would defeat the immortal snail. i used like 1% of my creativity for this one (i promise i'm better than this) but this was pretty fun to right lol. another solution i had that didn't make it onto the final list was trapping it in a subway that runs 24 hours, but i decided against it because the smart snail would probably find a way out and i would be oblivious, thinking it's still trapped, and would be totally unprepared if it came and ambushed me.

ask the aops community thread